We’ve got a new member in the Doran household. Sinatra, the Siberian Dwarf Hamster. He’s cute, seems to have quite the personality, loves to party all night - and is Kate’s new little buddy. Maggie swears he’s a chinchilla (her current animal passion) and calls him “baby chilla.”

I think we’ll probably add a chinchilla to the household after we move, those little critters are just too freaking cute!

————————————–

Ethan has decided that weathermen would make excellent politicians. His tirade this morning included pearls of wisdom like:

“You know what they’re up to… well, I don’t know exactly, but look at them, they are up to something.”

“I wonder who exactly they are trying to impress by giving us the mountain forecast before the valley forecast?”

“Yeah, it rained yesterday, but look at the clouds, a moron could have predicted rain. So, they got lucky once…”

“I’m just saying, look at their eyes, those guys… they don’t know what their talking about but they can lie with a straight face. They aren’t fooling me, they ought to wear sunglasses while their talking because I know they aren’t tellin’ the truth.”

It was supposed to rain this morning. Instead, it’s sunny and clear. This will only serve to support Ethan’s belief that he’s right 99% of the time.
—————————————

Just when I thought we were over it…

Maggie was sick, then Ethan got sick, then Kate got it, finally I got it, then Maggie got something else which Kate picked up then as well.

Now the dog is sick.

Ear infection, allergies, and a possible thyroid condition causing him to be the fatass that he is.

He’s on antibiotics, ear drops, and a special shampoo, this is on top of his cortizone shot.

Damn dog.

—————————————-

On a side note… see, I’ve done plenty of digging around in people’s mouths. I’ve assisted and viewed numerous oral surgeries. I’ve even had to view an autopsy for a class in college. I used to think I had a pretty strong stomach.

I don’t have a problem with kids vomiting or changing dirty diapers.

But, I absolutely freak if I have to clean up after animals… cats being the only exception here.

The thought of having to clean out Zander’s ear which currently looks like some sort of bomb went off in it, is giving me the absolute heebie-jeebies.

I don’t know why. I sure wish I did, because I do feel bad for the lazy, mooching, overweight, male (which is the biggest mark against him) chaweiner.

I ask myself, what might Bonanza do? But then I get goose bumps and think, “perhaps it would be best if I didn’t know what Bonanza might do.”

Then I think… well, I know what Chickie would do. Thank God I don’t have to violate Zander’s ass because we’d both be in some serious trouble.

Related Tags: Siberian Dwarf Hamster, Hamster, Sinatra, pets, dog, chaweiner, winter colds, teenagers, weathermen, weather, Bonanza Jellybean, Chickie, Skittering Thoughts

Maggie is going into one of those “vocal” phases where she is adding new words into her vocabulary almost non-stop. Today we drove out to the new house and then to Target. Which definitely reminded me of why I don’t shop at Target on the weekends… ugh.

Have I mentioned that I am really not very fond of men? I’m not. In fact, I’m surprised I’m even married sometimes, because men annoy me to no end. Like I’ve mentioned before, Jennifer Aniston should probably be made aware of the fact that Brad Pitt is not the only one missing a sensitivity chip - 99% of the male population is missing that same chip.

The entire time I am in Target, Ethan is complaining about how he hates Target and that it’s “never just a simple 20 minute trip.” He bitched so much that I threatened to not allow him to go to the movies next weekend. Have I mentioned I really, really don’t like teenagers? I don’t. Can’t stand them… not even mine.

At some point Ethan says, “this sucks.”

To which Maggie looks up puzzled, appearing to contemplate what is apparently a new word to her and then proceeds to sing, “Suck… suck suck suck suck suck suck… suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!

Loud enough that I felt compelled to say, “Sock? Yes, you have lovely PINK SOCKS on today, don’t you? Look at those pretty pink socks, Maggie.”

My two-year old genius replies, “No! Stop! SUCK! SUCK SUCK SUCK!!!!!”

And then goes back to singing “The Suck Song.”

Ethan could only grumble, “see even MAGGIE hates Target.”

I said, “You know, they offered to give you a sex change when you were born… I probably should have taken them up on the offer. ”

Ever been so tired emotionally that you just don’t think you can keep it up anymore? That’s where I was.

Yesterday afternoon Ethan told me that he had had a problem at school with a teacher. This is a PE teacher who has some serious issues and is not being asked back next year. My mom had a recent run in with her and apparently that sent her off gunning for Ethan. That is over simplifying it, a lot, but I’m so worn out that I just don’t feel like dredging up all the details.

So I ended up on the phone with this woman who alternated between insulting me personally and saying things like, “you’re attacking me” and “you are just being mean” every time I reminded her that I wasn’t calling to hear about her church youth group or what she felt were her numerous other good deeds, I was calling to discuss the issue with my son and find some sort of resolution.

She admitted to referring to her students as “turds” but felt this was perfectly fine because she didn’t call my son a “turd.” She told me that she wasn’t coming back next year and already had another position so there was nothing I could do to her. Not that I was threatening to do anything, but she was obviously making a show of the conversation for whomever was in the room that she kept laughing, mocking me, and repeating (albeit entirely manipulated and out of context) things I was saying to.

I’ve never in all the years I have been having parent/teacher conferences, including all my years as a student, witnessed a teacher behave in such an inappropriate and unprofessional manner. It reminded me of arguments I had with my girlfriends in junior high.

She kept saying that I had a problem with her because my mother had a problem with her a couple of weeks ago, then she would repeat portions of the conference between my mother, the school counselor and herself.

When I wasn’t completely dumbfounded by the sheer amount of stupidity and lack of basic communication skills I was busy redirecting the conversation back to the situation at school and Ethan.

I’m apparently going to have to really watch out for her… she’s definitely has some sort of persecution complex that borders on sheer paranoia. She has no problem lying and does it with very little effort, it’s absolutely appalling. The situation is resolved now, but I have to worry that she’ll be looking hard to nail Ethan for just about anything now.

She’s never been a very good teacher and I wasn’t impressed with her behavior or conduct last year. This year she spent several days allowing the kids to listen to ipods and text msg (when both items are NOT allowed on school grounds) while she laid in the gym floor after announcing she had a kidney infection but had taken too many days off (she won a trip to Las Vegas) and couldn’t take any more.

Still, the conversation was emotionally draining because it’s hard to try to communicate with someone who has the maturity level of her peers, and by peers I am referring to all the 8th grade girls she hangs out with during lunch and after school because the adults on campus apparently don’t want much to do with her.

After all was said and done… I ended up home alone last night because Mike and Ethan were off doing something. The dog knocked something down in Ethan’s room and I swear it sounded like something coming through the window which sent me into a mass panic, the neighbors next door (after the house has been vacant for MONTHS) were doing something in their driveway and smacked something into the side of our garage, which again managed to scare me half to death.

In between calls to school and being scared out of my mind, I was chasing around the resident toddler who managed to get the lid off of a childproof prescription bottle… all pills are accounted for, thank God. She dumped over a container of change, stood up on a laundry basket and fell over dumping the laundry and herself into the entertainment center.

By the time Mike got home my nerves were absolutely shot. It didn’t help that we went to bed bickering at snapping at each other.

In short, it was just another day of being mom.

I’m so glad it’s Friday.

Ok… I gave it some thought, skipped last week and decided to do HNT, aka Half-Nekkid Thursday. Let’s face it, my posts haven’t been all that entertaining lately so finding possible humor by humiliating unwitting family members could save us all a lot of time, hassle and boredom, am I right?

Just kidding!

Although, if you are under the age of 18 and living in my house… then I am the adult providing consent for your medical procedures and I believe that also entitles me to provide consent (or not) for your pictures as well. You’ve been warned.

Now, I know, with HNT pics of the blogger are preferred. But, I’m the kind of gal that likes to ride the line, straddle the fence, and slip through the loopholes. Feel free to pick your own cliche’ here. In a nutshell, I read the rules and so here ya go… my meager HNT offering, I give you:

The Doran Girls
Well, their feet at least.
(l-r: Kate, Maggs, and Yours Truly)

Related Tags: Half-Nekkid Thursdays, HNT, pictures

Introducing my latest renter, Bloggin’ Bizatch.
I’ve read her blog off and on for a while now. After reading her latest entries I’ve blogrolled her and plan to visit daily. She’s pretty freaking cool. At the very least you’ll learn a brand new use for Preparation H…

There is sheetrock stacked in various rooms of my soon-to-be new house. As soon as they start slapping that stuff up we’ll be 45 days away from the house being finished. I still drive by twice a day, every day. I’m sure the guys working out there are sick of seeing me cruise by like some strange sort of construction stalker. I even pause to snap the occasional picture.

Mike has an on-going joke at work, he says that I go by every morning and give the construction crews Starbuck’s and chocolate covered espresso beans to speed them up and that he drives by around 10am to give them beer and pizza to slow them down. Jackass. Unlike a normal person - he’s not in any hurry for the house to be finished because a.) he’s not looking forward to the new payment and b.) values are increasing monthly (and this is where it sucks being married to someone who works in real estate) so he likes the idea of “making money” on a house that he’s not making payments on.

Every weekend we drive out, park in front of the house and go through it to see what changes we can find. Last weekend we were thrilled to find that the fireplace and mantle support had been installed.

In his own way, Mike is excited about the new house… it gives him the opportunity to really play “Lord of the Manor”

Mike on the deck outside the masterbedroom

This is what the house looks like right now. There are huge stacks of sheetrock in the livingroom, family room, masterbedroom, and garage. Our tile is stacked in the garage, all of the windows and sliding glass doors have been installed, the electrical and plumbing are done. The house is fairly clean now all the debris has been swept out and my mom swears that this means they are getting ready to start slapping up sheetrock.

I keep saying that this is a lot like being pregnant. Those last couple of months take FOREVER!

Related Tags: Rent My Blog, Blog Explosion, Bloggin’ Bizatch, New home construction

Came down with a little cough this weekend and decided to just take it easy, hence my little vanishing act. Many thanks to my previous tenant, Zube Girl, who as you probably know now, absolutely rocks.

I love three day weekends. Mike had the whole weekend off and we actually watched a movie, went out to eat with all three kids and… slept. We napped, we snacked and we napped some more. It was great. With all that resting it gave me the opportunity to think about some things.

I’ve decided that the Aflac duck is my favorite commercial mascot. I used to think the gecko from Geico was pretty cute… but there is no comparison to the duck. I came to this realization when I saw the latest Aflac commercial done in a ’silent movie’ style… at the end the Aflac duck is hit by a train. For a split second, I was shocked, horrified and almost began to grieve. It was then that it hit me, the duck is my favorite. I was beyond happy to see him appearing to quack (it was silent) riding on the front of the train.

Plus… he sounds like Gilbert Gottfried (is it possible that Gilbert does the voice?) and I am not afraid to admit that I love Gilbert Gottfried.

The gecko is a distant second and the damn, stupid, freaky Burger King “King” is dead last. I am not afraid to admit that he scares me. When I saw the commercial with him standing there, silently, in the forest, I freaked. In fact, it has actually deterred me from going to Burger King, and I’m fairly certain that was NOT the intention of the commercial.

Lose the King and I might go back to Whoppers. Until then, I’m avoiding Burger King and wishing that Aflac had a drive through with decent, low carb, food.

Related Tags: Aflac Duck, Burger King King, Geico Gecko, waterfowl, reptiles, three day weekends, Gilbert Gottfried

Thank you for asking… yes, I do. I feel much better today. Yesterday’s rant wasn’t really in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, was it? Unless you count the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre and in that context I suppose it goes right along with it. ;o)

My Valentine’s Day was filled with romance, lust, and love…

Ahem… yeah, right.

I bought my husband and kids cards for Valentine’s Day. My son’s girlfriend dumped him on Sunday and I found myself the proud recipient of a small vase of tulips and a Happy Valentine’s Day balloon that was intended for his once beloved. (They’ve been going out for over two months and she dumps him two days before VALENTINE’S?!?!? WTF!?!?!?)

When I was Ethan’s age I thought all the boys were jerks… now that I am on the guy end of it I think all the girls are little snot-asses.

My husband came home last night with a bouquet of roses (no greenery, no baby’s breath… just roses, exactly the way I love them) which he was kind enough to cut down and arrange into one of my crystal vases that he bought me years ago. He also bought me a really sweet card.

Then we settled in for a night of science fair projects, Gilmore Girls, Supernatural and had pizza delivered because with the science fair project and shows - we didn’t have time to make dinner.

Valentine’s Day has never really been that big of a deal for us. I know a lot of people protest or boycott Valentine’s… I don’t really care one way or the other, I think the sentiment is sweet.

Beats the hell out of being shot by Dick Cheney anyway…

Related Tags: Valentine’s Day, St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, Science Projects, Kids, Family, Roses, Dick Cheney

Can I speak of cruelty for a moment?

What the hell is wrong in this world when people feel it is ok to say something that they KNOW will be hurtful?

Karma and my own personal spiritual beliefs aside… is it just me or does NO ONE recall “The Golden Rule.” It was on a poster in my kindergarten classroom, Mrs. Miller, was my kindergarten teacher, we all sat on letters around a big circle to do various activities. And, I know for a FACT that the same damn poster hung in MY SISTER’S kindergarten classroom 2 years later when she started at the same school, same classroom that I attended.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

A little lesson we should all start keeping in mind.

Christianity aside… you want to know the REAL meaning of that little phrase? It’s all about Karma. If you knowingly (and sometimes unknowingly) hurt someone… it’s going to come back and visit you, undoubtedly. You will bring every nasty thing you have uttered, every heartless thing you have done out of pure maliciousness back to your very own doorstep.

And… those of you lurking here, right now who KNOW, firsthand, and PERSONALLY of that which I speak. Don’t think you are immune to it, don’t think I’m going to forget your participation and don’t think it’s NOT going to come back to haunt you, because I promise you right now, that it will.

Rarely do I publicize serious family issues. Some of you may have read my series on my sister, Megan. Those were written out of love for the sister I once knew, not the person she has become and is today.

Yesterday, she showed up at my mom’s house with her significant other and her significant other’s two children. Her significant other is a much older, divorced, mom of three, who abandoned her children, shattered her own family, and has now become the dominant and controlling character in my sister’s life. The issue I have with my sister’s partner is the same issue I would have if her partner were a man. Domineering control and manipulation have no part in a healthy relationship regardless of gender.

Let’s get this straight… I have no issue with homosexuality, I am for same-sex marriage, and equal rights for same-sex couples, I do not believe that there is anything immoral or wrong nor do I even agree with terming it an “alternative lifestyle” love is love… end of story.

In the case with my sister and her significant other, I think it is highly irresponsible to not have the balls to be open and honest about your sexuality and have your life in place responsibly BEFORE bringing children into this world. To decide 1 marriage, 3 kids, and 18 years after the fact in this day and age is selfish, irresponsible, and just plain, old, poor parenting. After going through my parent’s divorce, how my sister can want to have a serious romantic relationship with ANYONE who abandons her children in this manner is absolutely beyond me.

Megan told my mother yesterday that she and her partner have moved into a house with my father and stepmother. My mom told my sister that she missed her and didn’t even know who she was anymore, worse yet, had no idea why she has chosen to cut off all communication with us.

Megan’s reply to my mom’s sincere, emotional, declaration of love for her youngest daughter?
“I’m the one who doesn’t get homesick, I don’t miss people, so don’t expect it.”

How can you even begin to be so heartless and unfeeling toward your own mother who is telling you how much she loves and misses you. My mother has done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment. Yet, obviously Megan feels differently and the people around her are encouraging this.

Honestly, what would it have hurt to have simply said, “I love you, Mom.” You don’t miss us? Fine. But, why go out of your way to be hurtful? Neither of us were raised that way. We were taught to think of others and if anything, NOT to go out of our way to hurt someone. At least I know Mom raised us that way…

For those people snooping around here, reading this, and encouraging this behavior where Megan is concerned (regardless of what you THINK you are doing) - I’m disappointed in you and I am disgusted with you as human beings. Your lack of humanity and compassion is appalling at best.

Related Tags: family, the golden rule, karma, relationship problems, same sex couples

I should preface this by patting myself on the back and mentioning how slick it is of me to combine a post and a way to pimp my latest renter all in one nice neat package instead of the usual blatant pimping that I do, aren’t I nifty? ;o)

My oh-so awesome renter, ZubeGirl, gave me the idea to post a video. I just love it when I can completely steal what appear to be good ideas from other bloggers. I say appear because I never know how (or if) it will work out for me.

This video was shot by yours truly up in the snow at Alder Creek campground back on January 16th. Maggie was whistling and I just had to get it on video… as you are about to see, what I ended up recording was far more funny than Maggie whistling. You have to pay attention to both the video AND the background noise as, well, it just makes the video a heck of a lot more funny! Be sure to turn your speakers up a bit!

** Update **

I realized this morning (02/14/2005) that I probably should have explained the video a bit better. What actually happened, is that Mike was flying down a hill on an innertube, he landed on a patch of ice that was not exactly frozen solid. He broke the ice and ice cold water splashed all over his crotch causing him to shriek, “Aaaaah! My balls!” as a joke, you can hear this in the background of the video. Maggie (as I am filming her) says, “Mom! Dad said ball!” and then she proceeds to imitate her father hitting the ice and shrieking. Complete with her version of “Ahhh! My balls!”

Enjoy…

Related Tags: Video, dropshots, Snow, Rent My Blog, Zube Girl, The Adventures of Zube Girl

I have a horrible case of guilt and I’m emotionally wrung out… I had over 30 bids on my Rent My Blog spot. Talk about making a difficult decision. With that in mind I’ve decided to enlighten you on my, loosely termed, “selection process” I call it, “Eeenie, Meenie, Minee, Mo” and on occasion, “One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato…”

In all seriousness, I just try to pick a blog that is worthy of your attention, one that I would enjoy reading and not feel an ounce of guilt encouraging someone to go read. So far, that has worked out fairly well… until now. What happens when you have SEVERAL blogs that meet that criteria? In short, you are screwed, denial notices are sent out and I end up writing up a post introduction like this that ends with:

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD (or GODDESS, if you prefer) DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY IF I DIDN’T PICK YOUR BLOG… PLEASE!

I realized something this morning. Adults have nightmares. Now, I used to think that adults didn’t have nightmares, they just had dreams that contained discomfort. This morning I came to the conclusion that adults have nightmares and they are doozies. Mostly because we dream of things that have really happened, or that we’ve seen on the news, deep, dark fears that you don’t normally allow to see the light of day. Horrible things happening to your children, spouse, and family.

Things you don’t speak of because speaking of them might set of some horrible universal chain reaction drawing that thing closer to you simply because you fear it so much.

I spent last night dreaming constantly of such things.

The evening started off cozy and warm. It makes sense because when you feel all safe and warm is when your subconcious chooses to run up and kick you in the ass as hard as it possibly can. The subconcious can be such a little bastard. There I was curled up in bed with Mike, Maggie was asleep in her crib, we flipped through the channels, landed on something funny and proceeded to doze off and on for a few hours. Just the sort of down time that everybody needs every once in a while.

Somewhere between our late night snack and waking up at 3:30 to Maggie hollering, “Mama, Mama… HOLP HOLP” (her new thing, thanks to freaking “Go Diego Go!” where he rescues animals who are usually yelling HELP!) I began having a nightmare that freakishly picked up right where it left off everytime I dozed back into sleep.

This morning I woke up with an uncomfortable feeling that just should not have been there given the amount of sleep I got last night. It’s a feeling that something is just wrong… and about to get worse. Now, I’m a mom with that uncanny “mom sense” which has gotten both my off-spring and myself out of trouble on numerous occasions, so I know it’s not a legitimate gut feeling. It’s more of the feeling that the “things” which reside under the bed were checking me out to see if I had fattened up enough yet, or perhaps it was the “monster” in the closet planning who knows what sort of dastardly deeds. Most likely it’s that I didn’t take my nightly Lexapro pill… and the result was a vast array of night time anxiety and fears preying on my vulnerable emotional state.

Fortunately, we are in for a day of glorious weather (sunny in the 70’s which is unseasonably warm) and I’m about to go in and make a kick-ass breakfast, with any luck last night’s nightmares will be far behind me by noon…

Related Tags: Rent My Blog, Zube Girl, The Adventures of Zube Girl, nightmares, anxiety, lexapro