The story of the Jack o’Lantern comes from Irish folklore. Jack was a crafty farmer who tricked the Devil into climbing a tall tree. When the Devil reached the highest branch, Jack carved a large cross in the trunk, making it impossible for the Devil to climb down. In exchange for help getting out of the tree, the Devil promised never to tempt Jack with evil again. When Jack died, he was turned away from Heaven for his sins and turned away from Hell because of his trickery.

Condemned to wander the Earth without rest, Jack carved out one of his turnips, took an ember from the devil, and used it for a lantern to light his way. He became known as “Jack of the Lantern.” - AllRecipes.Com

I love good Halloween stories and this I think is probably the coolest I’ve heard of how Jack O’Lanterns got their start.

Well, the house is all decorated for Halloween and we’re all pretty excited to be passing out candy this year. I’ve got a CD of spooky sounds to burn to play on the front porch but other than that all the important stuff is taken care of.

Maggie is going as Tinker Bell and Kate is going as Wendy. I think they’ll look pretty cute.

Check out our Masterpiece:

Our front porch

The tombstones Ethan and I made

The front door (and yes, Britt, I made the freaking wreath, ok?)

Saturday night… 4 (yes, I know Bug, I told you 3, but I wasn’t counting my kid) that’s right, 4, eleven-year-old girls, all at MY house for a slumber party.

I ended up chatting with one of the mothers for about twenty minutes. In that time, Mike and Ethan came in with pizzas and took them straight to the kitchen. By the time I wandered in to the kitchen to eat, the girls were gone. Mike and Ethan sat at the table with a stunned look on their faces.

Me: Hey, did the girls like the pizza?
Mike: I don’t even think they realized they were eating.

After dinner with no sign of the girls downstairs, I tripped upstairs to be a nosey mom. From behind the closed door of Kate’s bedroom I could hear giggling, a lot of giggling.

Girl 1: You call him.
Girl 2: No, YOU call him.
Girl 1: Remember, he said if we called him not to be surprised if the line was busy.
*giggles*
Girl 3: Shut up!! Shhhh!!! Shut up!!!
Girl 1: (hissing) It’s RINGING!!!
Girl 4: Put it on speaker…
Girl 3: No one is answering.
*groans* *giggles*

It almost made me want to be eleven again. Almost.

Later that evening…

Ethan: Oh God, Mom?
Me: What, E?
Ethan: One of them just said, (using 11 year old girl voice)”My sister says when I have candy I get really hyper.”
Me: Which one?
Ethan: I don’t know, they all sound alike.

As this was a Halloween slumber party I bought “The Changeling” for the occasion - ummmm, scaaaaarrryyyy!!!! One of the best ghost-story movies I’ve ever seen. Awesome!! No blood, no gore… just straight up scare your pants off.

All 4 girls disappeared 1/2 way through the movie.

And, thank God this has nothing to do with the SlaveMaster. *ass*

I was just thinking that there are only a couple of months left in the year. That’s not much. Then it occurred to me… wow, there have been a lot of interesting things that have happened this year. That’s when it occurred to me that I should do some sort of annual review - except earlier then most annual reviews so that it doesn’t get mixed up with “Top 100 Videos of 2006″ or “Top 100 People of 2006″ - because, obviously, my review would clearly outshadow those.

This means that you get my annual review - well, now.

2006 Was The Year:

• I turned 30
• We celebrated another year of wedded bliss
• We moved into our new house
• My son graduated from eigth grade - *ouch*
• My mother got a facelift from Dr. Hottie
• I sucked the Hamster up in the vaccuum
• I got my husband fired by The Former Employers Who Shall Not Be Named who shall now only be referenced as TFEWSNBN. - which is looking like a blessing in disguise now
• We started a new business
• My son started High School - double ouch
• My daughter entered the 6th grade
• I developed the world’s worst zit
• Adopted my cousin’s cat… who is the devil incarnate and apparently is plotting my murder while I sleep.
• I was “diagnosed” with scent-oriented OCD - ask her
• I let her talk me into starting another blog.

Now, I’d just like to finish out the year quietly and calmly. I’d like to get through the holidays with no tragedies, accidents, facial explosions, or my own untimely demise at the paws of a pissed off cat. That’s what I’d like… we’ll see if it happens.

I’d love to tell you about my day yesterday… but I just can’t. Mainly because I read this.

I am so thoroughly disgusted and yes, horrified. What man in his right mind would DO such a thing? I mean, sleep with another woman, get caught propositioning a transvestite hooker… but for the love of all things sacred, do NOT violate the pure, decent, simple pleasure of the B&B box.

WTF is WRONG with men these days?

Yes, it was cool when you guys started waxing/plucking those wild hairs in your eyebrows and eliminating that whole “unibrow” thing, it was great when bald was sexy and most of you with some sense stopped doing that hideous comb-over thing. No one likes a guy with properly pedicured toes better than I do. And, hey, when it was ok to wear pink last season and shop with your wife AND hold the shopping bags… you know, that whole metrosexual thing, that was great too…

But, for the love of all things wonderful and decent, DO NOT open up a box of B&B products that your wife spent hours deciding which products she wanted, ordered, and then eagerly anticipated the delivery and the sweet ecstasy that is the opening and reviewing of a box of sweet scented goodness.

Just.Don’t.

It’s just not… decent.

**Edited - the power is due to go out anytime now and I did this meme a few days ago in preperation for it, that wasn’t made very clear below, so there you go.**

Oh, I am LOVING this right now. Wait, maybe I’m hating it… I’m not sure. The good news is that the electricity is off (scheduled power outage for some bullshit excuse, reason, whatever) the bad news is that the electricity is off.

Which means… I’m NOT WORKING!!! But, let’s face it, I’m still probably working, catching up on laundry, household stuff, etc. That means you are left with this lovely meme that I borrowed from my favorite gardener (along with gobs of gardening advice and no doubt I’ll be needing more, soon.)

Enjoy…

DO YOU SNORE?
Of course not. But, I do breath heavily every once in a while.

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Depends on the mood.

WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR?
death

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
No.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV?
It’s the downfall of humanity.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
Ummm, hell no.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
No, my mother may say differently, but I was BALD (until I was 2) I looked like a BOY!

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
Nope. Why else would I have gone through the hell of planning a wedding?

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
Black.

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Only during the Christmas season… (Bah humbug to you too, Joe!)

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Refer to worst fear.

ANY SECRET TALENTS
A strange, almost supernaturally accurate aim when I’m super pissed.

WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
Any place without children.

CAN YOU SWIM?
Yes, and the ability will come in handy should I ever find myself thrown off of a boat, until then, there will be no plans for me to put it into practice voluntarily.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
Nope.

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Hmmmm… yes. I mean… I recycle cans, doesn’t that help?

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
Hello? It’s like near-chocolate in the center, what idiot would waste time trying to
get to it?

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
Neither drunk nor sober. (but, I’m willing to bet that Miss Britt can do both)

DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
Electric, but I’m picky, it can’t be too sharp or too dull.

WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
Depends on the target. Is “Man” season open yet?

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
WTF?

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Why bother? My typing is much more legible.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Pollen and dust.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU” ?
Twenty minutes ago when I stomped my husband’s ass playing darts.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
No, I laugh maniacally.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Over medium and devilled (sp.??)

ARE BLONDES DUMB?
I’m a brunette and I’m SICK of that stereotype.

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Under a kid’s bed, especially when s/he swears they put them BOTH in the dirty clothes.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
11:51pm

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Does MOM count?

IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING?
Probably, if I knew for sure what was in it.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
Earlier this evening.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
I like both, but I usually shower even after a bath. (shut up Miss B!!!!)

IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
Absolutely!

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Absolutely!

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
It would depend on the place.

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Blogging, internet, ebay and chocolate. Not necessarily in that order.

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Creamy…

CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
Ummm, no. *gag*

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Good heavens, NO!

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
I plead the 5th

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
Yes, refer to the previous question. (Lexapro… is the only way to go)

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Brown

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
Eh… it’s better than the alternative.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
I wish.

HAVE YOU READ CATCHER IN THE RYE?
No.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
I’ve tried.. does that count?

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Only from my husband and it’s a community property state so I only stole 50%

CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
No, that requires coordination and balance.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
Not if it involves pit toilets, no showers, and sleeping on the ground.

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
On occasion.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
Eh…

ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND?
No, dogs are the world’s best brown noser… and men are pathetically gullible.

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
Not in the same way I do Santa Claus.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
Refer to snowboarding answer.

DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
No, I’m perfect…

IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
No. F’ing wierd-ass weather. It was 84 today and sucked every single minute of it.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Does a shot of tequila count? Fine… chicken tacos from Chuy’s

DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
On my toes. My fingernails are too hideous to draw attention to.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW?
Shhh. That’s classified info.

WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
Geico caveman commercial.

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
Ummm, I should own stock.

FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
Why Georgia Why - John Mayer

Mike’s truck dings whenever someone doesn’t have their seatbelt on and it reaches a certain speed. This morning it dinged because Ethan was still trying to put his shoes on and didn’t have his seatbelt on yet. This prompted a conversation on air travel with advice that I’m sure everyone will find useful ;-)

Kate: That reminds me of that sound for the seatbelts in an airplane. You can’t get up and go to bathroom if that light is on. One time I had to go to the bathroom and the seatbelt light was on and they just told me to be careful. I almost fell down!

Ethan: Airplanes are like a dictatorship, they tell you when you can go to the bathroom, when you can eat, they run your life the entire time you are on the thing.

Kate: It wasn’t like walking on land. When the seatbelt light is off, it’s like walking normally. But, if the seatbelt light is on, it’s like walking down a hill. I almost fell into Nana’s lap when I was trying to get back in my seat.

That was a normal conversation on the way to school.

Ethan’s motto is, “Love your country, hate your government.”

And yes, he makes his own (usually) informed opinions and it is pure coincidence that we agree 90% of the time. Actually I’m trying to force him back to his blog because he comes up with some seriously funny shit. He’s living proof that you can like Jackass and still have something intelligent and witty to say.

Ethan: Stop distracting me!!!!!

Me: Why?

Ethan: When I’m done with this I’m picking up dog crap and playing guitar!!!!

hopefully not at the same time

——————

E: What’s for dinner?

Me: I don’t know, call your dad and see if he has any ideas.

E: No.

Me: I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t like him anymore.

E: Oh, sure you do.

Me: No, no I don’t. I’m going to move into your room.

E: You can’t my cat will kill you in your sleep.

Me: No, no, I’m moving into your room and you and your cat can sleep with your dad.

E: No. I’ve already seen how that fat bastard likes to cuddle up to people… in his underwear no less!

Anything would be an improvement.

My question? Is the healthy shit going to TASTE better than the regular old shit they’ve been serving for years?

tj, tj, tj… this woman is absolutely amazing, she’s probably the most creative person I’ve ever encountered. She’s an awesome writer and a gifted artist. This isn’t the first time I’ve hopped up and sung her praises from my lofty perch atop my blog. I’m telling you… she ROCKS!!!

She disappeared from the blogosphere a month or so ago, give or take a week or two because everything has been a blur for me since the beginning of August, unfortunately. Now, she’s back and we can all see what was under construction over at Zazzafooky.

OMG!!! She’s gone full-blown arteeeest on us! If you know what’s good for you - you’ll run over there and snatch up anything she’s got up for grabs. It’s worth every single stinking penny and will brighten up the most dreary day. For example:

Fooky art by Tj

And this:

Zazzafooky cat folk art

Me: Ok, I’m really tired and I’m starting to burn out now.

Mike: Get to work, bitch.

(it’s ok, we call each other bitch… a lot)

Me: Hey, don’t screw with me, buddy. I’ll go on strike, go upstairs and take a shower.

Mike: Ooo, what a rebel.

Me: Hey… I mean it… one more smart comment and I’m upstairs showering AND painting my toenails.

Mike: Wow, you really know how to party.

Me: That’s IT! I’m shopping for Christmas stuff online and you can get to know our UPS delivery guy on a first name basis.

*silence*

Me: That’s what I thought, bitch.