At The Doctor’s Office
The lengths I go to entertain and amuse you people…
I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and, yes ladies, it was that sort of an appointment. A complete physical. Blood pressure, temperature, *cough* weight, run through the medical history. Then the good part, the nurse asked if I needed any refills! Wow… that almost felt like a shopping spree.
“I’ll take the Lexapro, Advair, and do you have any valium? That stuff sounds like fun…”
I used to know a Dentist who referred to valium as a margarita in a little pill. That’s actually pretty true, I’ve had them, I’d like to have them again.
After an HOUR in the waiting room I was dumped into an exam room with one of those lovely gowns and a paper sheet over my legs where I waited for another 30 minutes. Of course, they don’t tell you that it’s going to be another 30 minutes, they say, “Everything comes off, put this on, and the doctor will be right in.” And, I fall for it every time. I race through ripping my clothes off and putting them on the bench, rushing through putting my gown on and hopping back onto the table in an effort to avoid someone walking in and catching me in the act of attempting to undress, redress, and hop onto the table. There I find that I actually had plenty of time and could have folded my shirt or something…
The good news is that I had my trusty cell phone and had it not been Wednesday I would have called Britt and made her keep me company, most likely by laughing at me. Instead, I sat there swinging my legs and playing Diner Dash looking like a ten year old with a gameboy. Something I refused to do during my stay in the waiting room. I save that for small private spaces where I am trying to forget that my bare ass is on white exam paper and if I get too nervous and start fidgeting, said paper will rip.
Fortunately, my mother’s sense of hearing is tuned into small clicks and noises that will betray even the most sneaky of toddlers and teenagers. I heard my chart being lifted from the tray outside the door and managed to shut down my security blanket cell phone before the doctor came in.
The good news is that I like my doctor to the point of wondering why I had stayed away so long. She’s the only one who has not made me feel like a complete crazy person with imaginary issues. In fact, she even let’s loose with her own issues and problems so that you don’t feel so much like a, well, freak. Aside from the whole “I feel like a freak sitting here in a gown with no back and my bare ass on paper” thing.
And now for something different: *Edited - I have fixed the problem with the audio file!
Baby It’s Cold Outside - Brian Setzer Orchestra and Ann Margaret
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December 21st, 2006
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