What Would I Do For A Million Dollars?

Marti asked me…

Aside from the fact that I’m faced with a nasty bout of blogger’s block (similar to writer’s block) - I was not about to let my dear friend, Marti, down. I adore Marti, she’s very real, very naughty, and pretty freaking funny on a regular basis. This particular question was in reference to her latest Squidoo Lens, which is pretty interesting.

Sooooo, now that I’ve carefully managed to avoid the question, I guess I’m left with no other choice than to answer it.

First off, I have to consider what those morons contestants on Survivor have gone through for a million dollars. Would I do that? Ummmm, no. Although, it does seem like a great way to lose weight AND be completely miserable.

I would never hurt another person or commit a criminal act. A misdemeanor, sure, but not a felony. That pretty much excludes killing someone or cheating on my spouse.

It seems that in answering this question it is easier to list what I wouldn’t do for a million dollars. Which isn’t the question, unfortunately.

So what WOULD I do for a million dollars?

Streak (although, seriously, NO ONE would PAY to see that)

Eat nothing but brussel sprouts for a week.

Porn… for a million dollars…. hmmmm, I’d consider it. (And, yes, I would consider PORN different than CHEATING on my spouse, the former implies full knowledge of what I am about to do, the latter implies sneaky, underhanded dealings with the intention of being dishonest.)

Spend one night in a notoriously haunted house, alone.

For some reason this question always seems to garner responses indicating how “low” a person might stoop for financial compensation. So, here are a few more things that might not necessarily be considered bad things:

Watch “When Harry Met Sally” back to back for a week straight.

Listen to nothing but Harry Connick Jr. music for a month.

Watch nothing but news channels for a week straight.

Read “War and Peace”

Write a book.

And, that’s all I’ve got, but I have no doubt that there will be other bloggers who will come up with far better answers than these. In fact, I already know of one. And, I am secure and comfortable in the knowledge that no matter what I attempt to do she will be able to do it better and leave me in her dust with a drink in my hand and a dirty look on my face.

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No Comments

  1. Miss Britt said,

    December 29, 2006 @ 8:09 am

    LMAO - oh you are too kind.

    Seriously though - too kind. You wouldn’t go on Survivor for a MILLION dollars?!?!

    Pfft - and here I thought we had a kindred “entrepreneurial”, money grubbin’ spirit.

  2. Amy said,

    December 29, 2006 @ 9:35 am

    Miss B We do… however, not even you would get that grubby for money.
    I’m certain of it. Dirt, bugs… dirt?!?!?! Blech.

  3. Wicked H said,

    December 29, 2006 @ 11:03 am

    Wishing you a Happy, Healthy New Year!

  4. Wicked H said,

    December 29, 2006 @ 11:03 am

    Oh, also I love the new look!!

    Spiffy!!

  5. Junebugg said,

    December 30, 2006 @ 6:37 am

    HUMMMMM, a million bucks ya say? Well, I’m with ya on the streaking, but who would pay to see a middle aged woman who’s body parts have all gone south jiggle down the street naked:oops:

  6. Jesse said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 3:42 am

    I was hoping for some commentary on border hopppers. There’s nothing better than making fun of Canadians.

  7. Wicked H said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 6:47 am

    Further evidence that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

    (typed while ducking under my desk because you know I like my pancreas to be alone in the viscera)

  8. Joefish said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 6:52 am

    You can embarrass your mom so much more than this. :wink:

  9. Avitable said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 7:47 am

    That’s some funny shit. Nicely done!

  10. Miss Britt said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 10:20 am

    I think Ethan just accused you of child abuse.

  11. Amy said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 10:47 am

    Miss B Yes, isn’t he freaking adorable? :roll: Ass. The grandmothers will love this one, won’t they? :twisted: I rather thought he was admitting to abusing his mother… you didn’t catch that?

  12. Amy said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 10:51 am

    Avi And, I have you to thank for my son’s obsession with doctoring photos of himself and family members… usually involving Hitler or obscene amounts of facial hair. :twisted:

    Joe Oh for the love of God… don’t encourage him!!!!! What’s wrong with you? Nevermind… I know. :twisted:

    Wicked H It’s true… unfortunately, it’s true. No need to duck under the desk, I admit it. :P

  13. Avitable said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 11:09 am

    Amy, it always warms me down to the cockles of my heart to hear a story where I have been able to influence the mind of a teenaged boy.

  14. Dawn (webmiztris) said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 12:46 pm

    lmao…he is definitely a blogging natural!

  15. Ethan said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 1:44 pm

    Jesse You are right, nothing is more funny, but I have been in a room full of drunk canooks and woke up in the morning smelling maple syrup. Damn fake french people.

    Wicked H haha, boy, isn’t that the truth.

    Joe Trust me, I know. As a first guest post I was trying to be just a tad careful.

    Avitable Thank you,
    I appreciate the compliment.

    Britt I don’t know, she and I just seem to get even with each other. But usually her “even” is 5 hits for one of mine. Although there was this one time where I pulled a hot spatula out of the dishwasher and stuck it on my mom’s bare arm. So maybe I do deserve it.

    Dawn Thanks, maybe I should give my input more often. haha

  16. Crazy Lady in Vegas said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 2:38 pm

    Next time Amy, it is so much easier to take them down with a half-nelson. After all, if you are going to abuse them, it pays to do it right!

  17. Granny said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 2:44 pm

    ROTFLOL, E you are soooooooo funny!

  18. Chickie said,

    January 4, 2007 @ 9:11 pm

    What a timely post! I was just asking Sweety last night if it really hurt as bad as he says when a testicle is smashed. But if that’s what it takes to stop you, it must be bad.

    I see that the fruit didn’t fall far from the tree in your house.

  19. Marti said,

    January 5, 2007 @ 3:58 pm

    I must leave the room now, as I just wet my pants from laughing.

    Thanks, Ethan.

    LOL

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