On Waxing…
Posted By AmyD. on January 11, 2007
I had no idea. Really… none.
I saw the ad and I thought, WOW this is GREAT! What a GREAT, GREAT thing!
I think it was about 6 years ago or so, Nad’s had just come out and the infomercials were everywhere. Poor Nad with her super, hairy, ape arms and Mommy Dearest whipping up a sticky, sweet, green goo to spread on her arms and then RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP the hair off. Nad said, “Mommy, it doesn’t hurt at all! And, the kids at school don’t make fun of me anymore!”
And, Nad’s mom is like a millionaire or something now.
So, I decided, I’m DONE with shaving, no more, thankyouverymuch!! And, hopped online to place an order for gooey, all natural, pain free, Nad’s.
The jar came in and it was true! It was gooey, green, and smelled very sweet (I wasn’t going to put it in my tea or anything). I started with one leg… not too bad. But, I got bored very quickly because, come on… it takes a long time to wax your own legs.
What I needed was a small area where I could get quick results.
Yes, I went there. Bikini line.
I followed the directions to the letter. Perched my leg on the edge of the tub, spread the goo, and carefully applied the cotton/muslin/WTF-ever strip to the goo. I firmly grasped the corner of the strip and took a deep breath…
That’s the last thing I remember.
Ok, ok, I didn’t black out exactly. I mean, I’ve been through childbirth so come on… but seriously, I saw freaking stars, little black spots, and a flash or two of light. In fact, it was so shocking I couldn’t even bring myself to let fly with a few carefully (or not) selected swear words. Honest.
That day, I discovered that you can pull hair out of your head and it’s no big deal, you can wax your eyebrows and again, no big deal. But, when you rip the hair from your bikini line, IT IS A VERY BIG DEAL. Why? Well… I can’t be the only one to have found this out, but THEY BLEED. That’s right, it leaves little pin prick holes where the hair USED to be and it BLEEDS.
My thought? Bikini line hair doesn’t like to be ripped out. Apparently, they are very sturdy, tough little hairs and when they put down roots, they mean to stay.
The REALLY crazy thing? I’ve been considering going Brazilian for almost two years now. Again, only CONSIDERING.
About The Author
I have one word for you LASER. Yes, it costs a bunch but entirely worth it.
If you have any questions, let me know.
Oh in the meantime, ice packs help with any redness or swelling.
Wicked Hmmm, laser huh? I’ll have to think about that. Thanks!
So I guess I shouldn’t use that stuff on my balls then?
Avi Ummm, well, I don’t have balls or anything, but my guess would be that scrotum suspension would be more comfortable. Maybe…
Oh. My. God – OUCH.
Holy shit.
(but really, it didn’t hurt on the eyebrows or the legs?!?! send me a link!!!!!)
I have an old post I haven’t restored yet about my first experience with Consuela, the cootchie torturer.
It gets easier and less painful. You also start going less and less because it starts not growing back and what does grow back is like the fuzzy hair on a baby’s bum. (do babies have fuzzy bums?)
Plus, at first it’s only every 6–8 weeks, which isn’t too bad. although the 2nd time is worse than the first because now you’re expecting the pain. anticipation IS everything.
Don’t use hard wax at home ever! You’ll glue your parts together and end up using a quart of crisco oil to get rid of it.
First time commenter (love the blog by the way – link to you off of my own)…
I’ve lived through the Brazilian and I have to tell you, it hurts like a MF’er and it bleeds a fair bit. (My esthetician actually had the balls to tell me to stop being such a baby while she was riping the hair from my bits. I would have bashed her head against the wall but I couldn’t see straight for all the pain!)
Afterwards it’s kind of neat and the hubby got a weird kick out of it but…I’m not sure if I would go there again any time soon!
it BLEEDS? i officially did NOT know that…jesus, I’ll stick with a razor!
HAHAHAHAHA! Yes it does bleed! I remember the first *and last* time I waxed down there. The blood and the shooting blinding pain made me realize that bikini hair was just gonna have to stay LMAO!
Once, I did that. The sound reminded me of what it sounds like when you un-velcro something.
I’m glad to know about Nads. I’ve watched that infomercial and wondered. OMG. It bleeds? I’m such a wuss.
Oh. My. Gawd.
I am laughing so hard it is difficult to type. Not at the experience, but at your magnificently humorous recollecting of it! Frankly, I’ve given up. I will never go Brazilian. Nothing south of the border – LOL Here’s something for you to look forward to though…as you age, the hairs get thinner, more wiry and grayer. My twat looks like Einstein’s head now – bwa-ha-ha!
(I occasionally use scissors for a close trim – LOL)
I have to admit I speak as a man who has tried shaving, waxing, depilitory cream, abrasion and epiliation.
In defence it was only because I used to do drag regularly – Is that a defence? Ok then it’s my excuse…
The only one that ever made me wince was epilation, but being a man I have never had to wax my bikini line and from your description I am most thankful that I was born a man.
But when it comes to legs wax is the only way – Ladies can’t help but check how far up you’ve waxed
Oh my God. What’s scary is I think a Brazilian wax would be even more painful. I have always thought that anyone who had a Brazilian wax is nuts. My hairdresser is trying to increase her clientele for bikini waxes. I am very disturbed in general by people who a)cause serious pain to people’s genital regions for money and b) advertise that fact on a billboard.
I use something called a finishing touch; I think it’s from ivillage; it pulls the hair out but somehow it doesn’t hurt. Of course, I only get rid of what I need to so I can wear a swimming suit; I don’t try to get rid of it all.