Sending the Weekend Out With a Bang
Posted By AmyD. on March 19, 2007
(Updated! Added the morning after pic below)
Or a stumble and fall. Whichever you prefer.
I spent the weekend gardening, enjoying the warm temperatures, sunny weather, and frequent chats with my beloved Avi. I adore him you know… like a brother… a long-lost twin brother. Don’t let him fool you, he is that dark and twisted my friends.
So, let’s have a little lesson on Karma. Karma is a bitch. Karma doesn’t care if you donated to Jerry’s Kids when you went to the supermarket. Karma couldn’t care less if you gave that homeless guy $10 the other day. Karma is going to nail your ass like a drunk girl at the prom.
We were out in the yard, doing yard work in our lovely patch of dirt soon to be landscaped backyard. I was filling a new terracotta pot with purple cosmos and white freesia. Ethan was running back and forth as Mike and I were sharing him as our bitch assistant.
As things will go sometimes, I said something, Ethan said something and then I said something. Then Ethan shot me with the hose.
So, I finished up, cleaned up and went upstairs to bathe Maggie, shower, and help Kate straighten her hair. Then I saw it. The pitcher perched on the edge of the tub. It called to me, “Amy, let me avenge you, let me right the wrongs done to you this afternoon, I beg of you.”
And, I thought, “Oh, why the hell not!”
I filled my oh-so friendly pitcher with cold water and stepped out into the early evening breeze on the deck. Ethan stood just below me helping his father. With one swift movement the pitcher, as if by magic, tipped and dumped it’s entire contents directly on to my son’s head with a delightful plop and splash.
He stood there stunned, his aviator sunglasses lying on the ground at his feet. His shirt soaked and his hair dripping. It was truly a sight to behold. I laughed until tears wet the corners of my eyes and then I hopped into the shower.
After going through all the beauty rituals one most go through and then repeating a shorter version of those rituals with both girls, I made my way downstairs to have dinner with my family.
The stairs were dark and feeling that I knew my way about as one might know the back of one’s hand, I neglected to turn on the light. With Maggie behind me I came down the first set of stairs to the first landing, turned and started down the next set.
This is where things went slightly awry.
Believing my next step to be the second landing, I missed the last step and yelped, nay, screeched as my large toe turned under, my ankle twisting slightly, and I landed in a heap on the second landing.
“Wow, Mom, you should really learn to take those stairs more slowly.” Ethan said.
If looks could kill the boy’s face might very well have melted off ala the Nazis at the end of Indiana Jones and The Lost Ark.
“Shove it.” I growled fighting back tears.
Kate (apparently, the smarter of the two this evening) flipped the light on to survey the damage.
My toe was swelling and beginning to bruise and blood poured rapidly from the where the skin had torn under the tension of the toe being twisted and bent beneath itself and my foot.
This was also the same foot that I had nearly destroyed during an eventful fishing trip. *click that link for that story, it’s worth it, even if it makes me wince reading it.
Apparently, my right leg is out to kill me. I swear, I’ve never done anything to it but shave it lovingly and take it out for the occasional pedicure.
Mike brought me ice, advil, and a midori margarita and with a happy, numb, buzz I limped my way to my computer so I could bring you the entire incident including pictures. Rest assured, dear friends, that they do not do the injury justice. Not in the least, because as I type this the combination of advil and booze is starting to wear off and throbbing is beginning again. I bet this thing will be black and blue by morning.
Click to enlarge.
The Update:
The morning after.
As I typed this Mike started to look for me and when he found me here he yelled, “What the hell do you think you are doing? That should be elevated with ICE!!!” But, being the wonderful husband that he is, he paused and said, “Are you working on your post for tomorrow? Oh… ok. Don’t take very long and don’t make it very depressing!”
I love him. He even offered to sleep in the family room with me if I couldn’t make it up the stairs. Did I mention I love him? Oh my, I think I’ve had too many margaritas.
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Yikes, that looks pretty bad. Milk it for all it’s worth!!!
Ouch! I bet Ethan has a voodoo doll stashed in his bedroom.
I got the impression that you were drunk before you went down the stairs? Am I incorrect?
WEANNNNNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Wicked Trying to… giving it my best!
Miss B Bitch.
Avi Why this comment got stuck in the spam filter is beyond me. I’m thinking you could have something with the whole voodoo doll thing.
And, no, I was NOT drunk prior to falling down the stairs. I am perfectly capable of being that clumsy while completely sober.
oh my goodness. are you sure it is not broken? it night be. it looks so ouchie!
blupaintred it DOES, doesn’t it? And, it aches. I’m not sure if it is broken or not, I can still bend it…
that looks painful! my nose still hurts from falling on my face. we’d make quite the pair this week.
Webmiztris We would… we should both be hanging out somewhere with margaritas and our feet propped up while our hubbies wait on us!
OW! OW! OW! But I doubt that Karma was getting back at you for dumping water on Ethan. I’m sure Karma was on your side for that one. So the real question is – what evil dastardly deed did you commit that would warrant Karma pushing you down the steps? Come on girl, share with us!
Crazy Lady Everything. OK! I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog…When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out…But the worst thing I ever done — I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa — and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.”
OWWWIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! The Karma is relative
it’s just how you look at it and with pampering like that …. 
Holy crap – I was laughing so hard at your reply. I love Goonies!
tj Good point!
Crazy Lady Me too!!!!