At Your Request
Posted By AmyD. on April 12, 2007
I’m occasionally labelled a “mommy blogger” and while I am a mother and I am a blogger that does not necessarily make me a “mommy blogger.”
We’ve all read the articles by those parents who appear to be dedicated body, heart, and soul to their offspring. Monitoring everything that goes into little junior’s mouth and making sure that naps and bowel movements are regular and well timed. By all appearances their primary goal in life is to make sure that little junior is the farthest thing from a serial killer that he can possibly be.
That’s just not me. Sure, I don’t want any of my kids to become serial killers but that is just because I don’t like a lot of attention and photographers and reporters camped out on my front lawn just isn’t my cup of tea. I like to make fun of my neighbors and I have no intention of providing them with fodder where I am concerned.
The MommyBloggers of the world identify themselves first and foremost by being a mother, in my opinion. I certainly didn’t get pregnant and give birth in order to eliminate my identity. God knows that squealing on a mobster would be a far easier way to achieve this instead of squeezing something the size of a bowling ball out of something the size of a ping-pong ball.
MommyBloggers coo and sigh over every adorable burp, spit up, dirty diaper, and slobbery fist that gets tangled in their hair. The one incident of spit up that I really enjoyed was when Maggie, only a few hours old, hurled like a demon-possessed midget all over Mike’s clean shirt after he just stepped out of the shower.
I have been known to say, “knock it off, don’t make the mommy-dragon come out.” That’s not exactly the most nurturing thing a mother should say. I have also been known to tell my daughter to “woman up and stop acting like such a man.” I’ve also been known to blame my son’s complete idiocy on his having a penis. This does not put me up for mother of the year much less an entry into the “Mommy Blogger Hall of Fame.”
I have been known to say, “get off me you smell,” without the slightest concern as to whether this will cause the offspring in my sight to have some sort of complex about the way they smell.
I will never be one of those mothers that sighs kindly and points out how creative little junior is when I find that someone scribbled on my wall in blue sharpie. In fact, I guarantee that more than a few 4-letter words are forthcoming.
It has been said that my children do not duplicate my use of foul language because they have an natural instinct that tells them quite clearly that flame should not shoot out of every available orifice when you are irritated. What can I say? Sometimes a bad example is the best example.
That being said, I do think my kids are funny. I think they are clever, but this is something I only appreciate when their clever humor is targeted at one another, or their father. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt… then it’s hilarious.
It certainly isn’t unusual for me to laugh at a kid tumbling over a chair or ottoman before asking, “Are you ok?” It also isn’t unusual for me to barely suppress a chuckle when one of them gets the better of another. There is not a person in their right mind who has had to recover from an episiotomy roughly the size of the Grand Canyon and doesn’t want to nail the little bugger who came forth into this world and caused the afore mentioned injury to both body and dignity.
So, no, I don’t consider myself to be a mommy blogger. I see myself as an opportunistic blogger and if that means that occasionally my offspring make for good blog fodder than I’m damn sure going to take advantage of it.
About The Author
Women who identify themselves solely by being a mom and/or a wife will never have my respect. The way you raise your kids is the way that I want to raise mine if I ever decide to go down the dark, twisted path of bringing little fuckers into this world.
That is REALLY good to hear, nothing is more boring to read than those who talk about nothing but their children. I know I certainly wouldn’t want my parent’s to be all about me like that…it would drive me insane.
I think you can be a super mom, even a consumed, nurturing mom – and STILL not be a mommy blogger.
AS a mother I am insanely over protective and vigilant and blah blah blah. But that’s my mom hat. And it’s just ONE of the hats I wear.
Oh – and – YOU are an uber cool chica, which has made you an uber cool mama, and accounts for your uber cool hottie kids.
But the pimping your kids thing is a little odd. >:)
Avitable And, just one more reason why you should hurry up and get your wife knocked up.
Robin Absolutely!
Miss Britt Uh-huh. Sounds like someone who is still pimping for more votes in the “Hottest Mommy Blogger” category to me.
Pimping my kids. Pfft. How else are they going to earn their lunch money?
I know – I mean, trying to sell pictures of Ethan’s thighs on the internet or hooking me up with Katie – it’s a little much.
There’s nothing wrong with blogging about your kids, from time to time. Bottom line is that it’s YOUR blog and you can blog about whateverthefuck you want!!!
Avi Pfft. I’m not THAT bad…
Jen True… I love your attitude!!!
Lately you seem focused on mommy bloggers, and specifically why you aren’t one of them. What’s up with that? What’s really going on?
Joe, didn’t you know? Amy’s preggers again! With twins!
Joe Pfft.
Avi STFU fuckyouverymuch. I’m SOOOOO done with procreating.
Amy, don’t deny it. It’s okay. We’re happy for you!
Thanks Amy! I love my attitude too!
I have to admit, I thought the same as Joe’s comments about you being focused on mommy-blogging as of late, but then I remembered that this is YOUR blog!
Avi I AM NOT PREGNANT. NOR DO I HAVE ANY INTENTION OF BECOMING PREGNANT.
Jen
The mommy blogging focus (albeit temporary) is something that can be blamed on Avi and Britt.
Ok, fine.
And we were teasing her because she was originally called a Mommyblogger by IT2M in her initial review, which she is clearly not. Because Mommybloggers are the fucking scourge of the internet, followed only by people who blog on behalf of their pets.
Avi Dammit, now I have to scrap my plans for Sophie’s blog.
heh…I love it! Of course, I’m no mommyblogger but sometimes people think I am. Why is THAT I axe you? WHY? I don’t even LIKE kids. Well, I like some of them okay I guess if I have to.
Your parenting sounds just like how I grew up. See, I turned out fine.
That’s exactly it. Mommy bloggers have no identity other than “mommy.”
They run in packs. Oddly enough, they’re always the first to tell someone else they have crap mothering skills.
I love to see pictures of little cuties and for whatever reason, most of the times I comment here, it’s on a picture of your family. Funny.
But I can’t stand watching some little heathen running around while you hear mommy laughing and ooooing in the background. Little heathens are not funny…too bad these moms don’t realise that in their desire to let little Muffy have her own identity, they’ve allowed her to be a spoiled, bratty, no discipline little shit. And then they wonder why nobody comes over for coffee anymore.
I don’t define myself as “barren” because I couldn’t have kids so why would I define myself as ‘wife and mommy’ if I did…get me?
I love your little rants. It just sucks that no one will stalk you for it. If I made the exact same post, mommybloggers would decend on me in droves….course, I’m a tad more…er,
abraisiveoutspoken than you.Yes, thank you! Finally, I find another mom with this track of mind. Miss Ann Thrope hit the nail on the head when she said they’re usually the ones to be the first to criticize. I’m new to blogging, and my 3rd post was about how I was feeling shitty and confessing all my bad mom traits. Now I knew I’d get some non-approval comments (if any, I mean, it IS a new blog), but was surprised at the heat of some of those flames!
I’m sure you won’t mind, but I’ll be adding you to my list of blogs I love
I can’t stand MommyBloggers (99.9% of them). I wonder how they will identify themselves once their kids are all grown up.
I do NOT agree with criticizing people solely on personal decisions such as bottle/breast feeding, cloth/disposable diapers, etc.
However, I will point out when I think someone is a crappy parent if they proudly brag about not giving a rat’s ass about their kids or whine when the house is torn up due to the lack of proper supervision. Hey, if you don’t want opinions, don’t ask or post it on the internet, ya know?