Kate
I’m taking a really good look around and becoming more and more annoyed with people. What is up with these people who whack their monkeys over making someone else feel like less of a human being? I don’t understand the mentality of “I’m a crappy horrible person and I want to make someone else feel as crappy as I do right now.”
I just don’t.
Kate’s teacher this year is a perfect example. Her 6th grade year, first year on the top of the academic totem pole. This woman is a bitter, graceless, rude, pathetic excuse for a human being. At every turn she has lied, manipulated, and done her level best to make Kate feel like a pile of shit.
At the beginning of the year we were concerned that Kate was more in tune with social things than academic progress. After essentially grounding the poor kid and watching her every move, we discovered that Kate wasn’t the problem. This IDIOT in charge of these kids was the problem.
First there were the progress reports, reports that showed no improvement whatsoever and in some cases showed a continuing downward trend. We conferenced, we talked, we sent notes. What we soon found out was that in various crevices, boxes, cubbies, and bins in this classroom were Kate’s missing assignments, graded IN the teacher’s handwriting and never entered in to the system. And, it wasn’t just Kate. Every time a progress report went out there would be a line of kids at the teacher’s desk the next day trying to get things corrected. While her head was apparently up her ass, she would make snide comments to Kate. Things like:
“Well, if you had been turning your work in all year I could trust you, but since you don’t have any proof, I can’t.”
or
“You aren’t as innocent as you portray yourself to be.”
Kate took these comments with the grace and maturity that the adult in front of her would never be capable of mustering. Her attitude has always been, “think what you want, I know the truth.” And, this woman has not earned any respect that would make Kate care what her opinion might be.
Still, no mother would want anyone talking to their child that way. I worry that maybe Kate is too easy-going, or maybe this woman has beaten her down to the point that she won’t stand up for herself.
After witnessing a less than happy conversation between myself and someone else Kate came in and looked upset, it was all over her face. I talked, I poked, and I finally had enough. I said, “What is the problem Kate? You look bothered but you aren’t willing to say anything? Why not? Speak up, grow a spine!”
She said, “I just don’t see why you couldn’t be the bigger person. You have always taught me to be the bigger person. Why couldn’t you today?”
I said, “I’m TIRED, Kate. I’m always the bigger person, I always ignore it, let it slide, and today it was just too much. I just… couldn’t.”
The thing is, I have taught her to be the bigger person. To know that you can’t fix “stupid” or “ignorant.” The problem is that now I worry she’s taken “being the bigger person” to an extreme, to a point where it is a mental crutch so she doesn’t have to stand up and say something. Her three closest friends are all polite, well-mannered, sweet girls, but every single one of them has no problem being assertive, standing up for herself, and speaking up when necessary.
I worry that Kate doesn’t have that ability. That somewhere, I’ve taught her something that has given her a defeatist attitude, but one she can cloak with “being the bigger person.” I’ve pushed them to think, form their own opinions, and to question authority. I’ve also taught them to be polite, respectful, and I’ve tried to encourage them to be open-minded and not to judge others.
This year, lessons I wasn’t quite ready for her to learn were taught. That adults aren’t always honest, that sometimes people just want others to be miserable, that there is such a thing as abuse of authority, and yes, Virginia, miserable, suck-ass excuses for human beings do exist.
I’m writing a letter to the principal. And, I plan to purchase a thank you card for the end of the year, the inside to be a personal note from myself saying, “Thanks for teaching my daughter such an important lesson this year, sometimes the WORST possible example is the best one.”
Let’s be honest, we all know I won’t be that nice.
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April 20th, 2007
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