The Chicken Sh*t Blogger
Posted By AmyD. on April 25, 2007
I was asked one time if this beeeyotch was my alter-ego. (insert theme to Patty Duke show here)
Yes, that’s right, she’s me – the fantasy me, who is shorter, blonder, thinner, cuter, more outgoing, with less issues… me. 
I do live vicariously through her. I help her shop for shoes that look good on thin people, I point out sales at places that I would shop if I had her bod. But, most importantly, I feel 99% of her Diva-like spewings on her blog. I do… really.
I just don’t have the balls to say so.
That’s me, the chickenshit blogger. I am. No, really, I am.
I worry someone will be offended by this… someone will be turned off by that… and in the end I write a lot of half-assed shit because, well, while no one flocks to me in droves – I don’t get hate mail either.
So, I refrain from discussing my ardent desire to wax my husband’s nuts in his sleep. I’m over that now, but you get my point.
I float around in that gray area of bloggers who find their family amusing and at the same time understand that very few people really get that without picturing you as Donna Reed (and here you can insert my MIL and mother snickering and saying, “no one would EVER confuse you with Donna Reed, Amy. No one.) or in some instances, Joan Crawford (Mommy Dearest for those of you not up on your Hollywood trivia.)
And, please, feel free to spare me the comments like, “this is your blog, say what you want” because, let’s be honest, we don’t all say what we want and – go ask the people I hang around with – you might not really want to hear what I really want to say.
While I would love to picture myself as some smiling Buddha statue version of a blogger, judging none, excepting none (and yes, I meant THAT version of excepting) – I do have opinions and many times they do conflict with the posts that surround me daily.
Usually I try to avoid topics of politics or religion for various reasons. My opinions and thoughts on these subjects cause great consternation among certain family members. Mainstream – I’m probably not. And, truthfully, neither of those topics really interest me, unless there is something funny and sarcastic I can say about either of them.
I think about the heat that a post might draw and part of me thinks – what do I care? This is the fucking internet not my neighborhood. But then there is that ego that wants to be liked, wants to have people be entertained by what I write.
And then I think about what kind of blogger all that half assing makes me. And whether that is an accurate portrayal of who I am. Or whether or not that’s entertaining for you as the reader or, quite frankly, me as the blogger.
I’m not the kind of gal who jumps up and declares herself Super Bitch, I’m not the kind of person to stir the pot just for the sake of stirring it, but I am the kind of person who gives way to much consideration to what someone else might think. And, you know what? I’m completely fed up with it.
I have to say, I think I’m putting entirely too much thought into this. I’m tired of caring whether my thoughts annoy someone or offend others. With everything going on in this big world of ours for my thoughts and opinions to cause anyone to take a serious pause in their day (other than to laugh) is really saying more about them than it is me.
So, maybe that’s the ultimate answer… fuck it. Why worry? It probably won’t happen anyway.
About The Author
Good.
I’d like to see “Amy’s Musings: Amy Unleashed”. You’re vicious and sarcastic and wickedly funny, and you don’t compromise as much as you think you do. You’ve had some awesome posts where you let loose.
Who are you going to offend? The people who are the closest to you already know you (and love you for being awesomely evil), and if it didn’t frighten them away, it won’t frighten others away. Well, anyone it would scare away can leave – you don’t want them around anyway.
Yeah!!! What Avi said!!
Me as your alter ego? Pfft. Even I’m not THAT bad.
Hearts, hearts, kisses, kisses babe. You know WE aren’t going anywhere!
While I would love to see you let loose, I am just like you in this aspect. I just don’t really say what I’m thinking on my blog. I have a family of big mouths (who can’t retell a story straight) and have found out that a few stalk my blog randomly.
Dude… you want to wax his nuts in his sleep?
Avi
Me, evil? Really? Now everyone knows why we’re friends. 
Miss B Right back atcha!
Fogspinner It’s the random stalking that concerns me the most and for similar reasons.
Joe I was angry.
Amy, I’ve loved everything you’ve written (that I’ve read so far) on your blog, I think you have a great way with words, even if they are half assed. I understand what you mean though, I’ve had a couple of post ideas regarding my son, but after the big “you’re a terrible parent” banter, I find myself reconsidering, even though that goes against my “being real”. Anyway, I’m babbling. Keep writing, I love reading your blog
I think you are fabulous! You should be comfortable with what you put on your blog. You’re great as you, you don’t need to scream or stir the pot. Unless it’s chili, it will stick if you don’t stir it (snicker)
Hugs to you for being you!
Delurking to say this:
I find myself doing the exact same thing. Not really because I am scared to offend anyone but more because of who has found my blog. I feel constrained because I don’t want some people knowing certain things about my life, so I fall back on the fluff stuff. I talk about my family and stupid stuff my kids say.
I made a decision a few days ago to say to hell with it and start saying what is on my mind and not worry about who reads it. If they don’t like what I have to say they can just not read my blog. Said thing is… since I made that decision I have found I have nothing I want to say.
You need to say what you think! Those of us who have known you forever love that you say it like it is… even if we don’t always agree! I, on the other hand, am a mommy blogger (and a bad one at that), but I could never write anything too real… too many people could find it! Now, if it didn’t have my last name, my in-laws didn’t see it and if fifth graders weren’t so damn computer savvy I would let loose!
Lisa – Thank you very much. And, don’t be afraid to hang it out there yourself. Not everyone is going to agree with you and the ones who come out of the woodwork to give you crap are obviously doing so because their backs up against the closet door that is hiding all of their own skeletons. It’s always easier to try to direct the light on to someone else’s “guilt”
Marti – LMAO! Thank you Marti – you are too cool!
Jen in OK – I completely get that! Thanks for delurking!!
Jan – Awww, you aren’t a crappy mommy blogger. Although, more pics are always nice. And, you can ALWAYS go get an anonymous blog… that is, if you actually have TIME to unload on the blogosphere.
Time, that is a problem! I have enough to gripe about, but no time to do it! Although, I don’t quite know how you find time to get everything done either!
“So, I refrain from discussing my ardent desire to wax my husband’s nuts in his sleep. I’m over that now, but you get my point.”
See, I told you I wasn’t exaggerating..and you said I had misrepresented you on my blog…now I have proof! LOL
One question dear, where are you holding back, sounds like you are throwing it all out there to me. Yesterday’s entry was a good example from my perspective.
“I’m not the kind of gal who jumps up and declares herself Super Bitch, I’m not the kind of person to stir the pot just for the sake of stirring it, but I am the kind of person who gives way to much consideration to what someone else might think. And, you know what? I’m completely fed up with it.”
Huh??…yes you are, yes you do and know you don’t! Aren’t you the one wanting your daughter to grow a pair a few days ago??
This is your mother speaking, get up and move forward! LY
Jan – blogging is my creative release, if I didn’t do this… I’d be worse, much worse.
Mom I said I didn’t cut up his cigars. I didn’t.
And really, this is where I have to look around for Avi or Britt because, seriously, the things I have held back on… you’d be surprised!
You have a point, about everyone holding back in their own way about stuff they wanna talk about. Even the people who are “out there” with their posts could be keeping stuff off their blogs because they fear that their readers might not like the change of tone.
Um, yes, I will attest to the fact that this woman is WAYYY more snarky off her blog than she is usually on her blog.
And thank God I get to see that side of her because I LOVE IT!!! *smooches*
Miss Brit or Avi may not like this, but I prefer your blog to either of theirs. I like your style, and if you want to say things that may offend, I say go for it. If people get offended they can just quit reading your blog. Thank you for being a bright spot in an otherwise cranky day.
Why would we care about that? Everybody’s entitled to their opinion, even if they’re wrong.
Plus we are adoringly loyal Amy Fans – so we’re all for people signing up for her flock.
We’re cool like that.
But seriously, you don’t like my blog??
It’s better to wax nuts when they’re awake – it makes them cringe up and that is more fun!
If my family read my blog, I’d have to clean it up.
They wake up if you try to wax them in their sleep, so it doesn’t really work. You just get one strip and then a big argument. Or so I hear.
And every once in a while, I do get hate mail. It kind of reeks, so count yourself lucky on that one.
And it is yours, and you should be able to say whatever you are comfortable with- even if that means NOT saying things. Does that make sense? Believe it or not, I self-censor sometimes too.