The Pinnacle of My Success
Friends, blogbuds, lend me your ears, I want to give you a life lesson here. I want you to know what it feels like to be at the top of your game.
This morning I awoke sans alarm clock, strolled down the stairs (when you are really cool you stroll, unless your name is Avitable or Miss Britt and then you sashay, if you are Joe - you lurk, if you are Marti you just sort of glide and hope not to smack into anything… get the picture?) and instead of my usual trip into the office I turned left and went into the kitchen and family room.
Which was completely destroyed. Toys and shit everywhere.
I cleaned the family room, kitchen and then made coffee. But, let’s forget that - because we are talking about my being at the top of my game and stuff so let’s pretend I don’t clean up after people, shall we?
My mom came by and I leisurely poured us a cup of coffee and we wandered out into the backyard to enjoy it’s morning beauty. We watched a butterfly flitting through the flowers and the baby toads hopping in between the plants. That’s what people with game do, my friends, they smell the roses, pet the toads, and throw tennis balls at the birds who try to eat their toads. Nasty little bastards. (The birds, not the toads)
Let’s just skip past the part where I answered some business emails, actually worked, and got Maggie out of nine million messes and near accidents.
Instead let’s talk about how the hubs and I got our groove on during work hours :twisted: but let’s NOT talk about how that was the first time in too long because of how damned busy we are. I won’t go into details about it, but let’s just say - WOW. M’kay?
In fact, we can assume that the WOW is the reason why I put my underwear on inside out instead of my having to hop up to get dressed because Mike’s phone was ringing off the hook and Maggie was waking up from her nap.
And, instead of finishing up several files and then running upstairs to change into suitable workout attire (because, let’s be honest, work attire consists of really cool looking pajamas) let’s pretend that instead I chose to take the afternoon off to workout and give myself get a pedicure.
We won’t talk about how said pedicure was actually just trimming my toenails while perched precariously on the side of the tub. Nor will I mention that said “pedicure” was only necessary because I had managed to jack up one of my toenails and it got a little infected. And, I won’t mention that in order to somewhat remedy the situation I had to soak the toe, douse it with hydrogen peroxide and both of which felt very much like how I might imagine a razor blade running up my ass crack might feel.
We won’t talk about that because I’m discussing how successful and powerful I am. Can’t you feel it? Doesn’t it intimidate you? I’m this || close to being Donald Trump, only with better hair, no ties, and no pathetic war with Rosie O’Donnell.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, someone left their popsicle to melt on my kitchen table and I might have to get the kitchen wipes and clean it up myself find some decent help to get that taken care of. After all, when you are at the top of your game good help is just so hard to find.
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May 25, 2007 @ 5:58 am
Damn, you are the queen of all that you rule!
May 25, 2007 @ 6:11 am
I’m hoping that after a week or so off work, I will be at the top of my game, too. I must come back to this post for reference on how to do it all and be cool while doing it! :razz:
May 25, 2007 @ 8:36 am
Avi Damn straight. Right down to my royal
toilet bowl brushscepter.Tense Oh girl! Have a margarita on day 1 and you’ll get there SO much faster!!
May 25, 2007 @ 9:47 am
Have you been reading The Secret again?? :mrgreen:
May 25, 2007 @ 10:21 am
Ill be sure to make her several margaritas…
May 25, 2007 @ 10:48 am
Miss B Not yet, actually…
Geek You are a good man!
May 25, 2007 @ 4:14 pm
Wow, I haven’t put my undies on inside out in a long time…but we do have really good lighting in our house.
May 25, 2007 @ 5:28 pm
Stefanie :shock: I was in a HURRY!!! :mrgreen:
May 26, 2007 @ 1:24 am
Amy, I am so glad I found your blog! I love the optimism. I just survived cancer and now I get insanely optimistic like you did in this post. Hmmm . . . Your attitude reminds me of being on Prozac. When somebody asks if the glass is half empty or half full, I say that it is overflowing!
May 26, 2007 @ 6:24 am
Wow, Scott. I think I just got diabetes from reading your comment.
Amy? Optimistic? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
May 26, 2007 @ 8:06 am
lmfao at avi’s “diabetes” comment!
I realized my underwear were on, not inside-out, but backwards a few days ago…surprisingly, they were just as comfortable that way, so I left it be…lol
May 26, 2007 @ 1:37 pm
I rarely wear underwear, so I avoid that problem for the most part.
May 26, 2007 @ 5:58 pm
Haha! How does one put their undies on inside out? I mean, I’ve done it in a sleep induced stupor. LOL
All Hail Queen Amy! :mrgreen:
May 27, 2007 @ 2:16 am
Hee Hee, sounds like a perfect day *cue Lou Reed*
and LOL on the underwear inside out, don’t cha love how that reminds you of the WOW factor of the day?
May 27, 2007 @ 8:59 am
Scott :mrgreen: Thanks!
Avitable Oh behave! :razz:
Webmiztris Don’t feed the bears, or in this case, the gorilla. :twisted: Wow, backward? And it was all good? I’m actually impressed that you left it that way, I freaked when I found my underwear like that!
Mr. Fab See, that’s my problem, I need to start going commando!
KG The problem is that your furbabies probably don’t care if you and Doug get your groove on, if you had human children you’d probably find your underwear inside out more often! :lol:
DutchBitch THANK YOU!!! You are the ONLY person who GETS it! :grin: One might have to be in a WOW state and in a massive hurry to get their clothes on to accidentally put their undies on inside out!
May 27, 2007 @ 10:28 am
I love a day that involves throwing things at nasty birds and putting my skivvies on backward/inside out/on my arms…what the hell ever :)
May 27, 2007 @ 5:33 pm
Well, at least it’s good to know that it’s not really THAT lonely on the at the top. :twisted:
May 28, 2007 @ 4:11 am
Oh yeah - I strut. I don’t sashay. Unless I’m spraying my room sprays.
May 28, 2007 @ 12:55 pm
Kellie My thoughts exactly!
mrsfortune bwahahahaha! :twisted:
avi Where is Britt when we need her. She would say that you flit and tip toe when you spray your room sprays. I firmly believe that what you think is strutting is actually sashaying.
May 29, 2007 @ 5:39 am
Well, I do hear RuPaul in my head when I’m strutting.
May 29, 2007 @ 9:39 am
Wait, I lurk down the stairs?
May 29, 2007 @ 9:44 am
Avi Wow, now THAT is sad.
Joe I think you lurk no matter where you go. And, give me credit for at least not including you in all the sashay business. After all, you wear a tux far too well to sashay!
May 31, 2007 @ 6:58 am
Ah, what is sweeter than afternoon sex and toads? (Providing they’re not in unison - ewww - lol)
How I’ve missed you! Been “gliding” (snicker) hither and yon taking care of business (but not in the fun way - lol)
What a delightful read! Thanks for sharing! Top o’ the game to you!