The Honeymoon Is Over
I am bad this morning, if you have a penis, you might want to look away.
“Degredation, humiliation, torture, and slow death to all men!!!!”
Ladies get your torches and pitchforks… today they go DOWN.
Have you ever seen those movies or shows where there is the really sweet newlywed couple and they get into an argument and eventually they find each other and start apologizing?
“I’m so sorry!”
“No, no, I’M sorry, it was my fault!”
“I’m so sorry!!”
Arguing over who is more sorry? Pfft.
Yeah, let’s fast forward ten years…
“I’m sorry. I apologize.”
“Really? For what?”
“For saying that.”
“Really? Why do you feel bad about that exactly?”
“It just caused a lot more trouble than I thought it would.”
“Huh, yeah, it did, didn’t it? Enjoy the couch.”
Eventually thoughts of, “Oh my God, I could NEVER live without you!!!” are shadowed by thoughts of, “What I wouldn’t give for a few days away from your ass.”
And, he’s pissed and is sleeping on the couch?
“Great!!! I get the bed all to myself!!”
Thoughts of, “I hope that didn’t hurt his feelings” become, “Hope that stung like a motherfucker!”
And forget any thoughts of make-up sex. That is just SOOO marriage years 1-3.
I’m just sayin’.
Gotta go, my torch is soaking in kerosene, I’m prepping for tonight.
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June 8, 2007 @ 5:36 am
Software engineers should all have their scrotums miniaturized - LOL
June 8, 2007 @ 5:50 am
Somehow, I feel the same way some days with my employees. Maybe I get sympathy PMS.
By the way - best. post. ever. I laughed my ass off.
June 8, 2007 @ 6:14 am
Seriously. So funny. And true.
I don’t care if you have been married to the same woman for 30 years, men cannot understand this whole PMS thing.
June 8, 2007 @ 8:38 am
Marti I am all about the nut shots but between your MIL and your newfound public fascination of scrots - I’m starting to worry.
Are you finally headed for that well-deserved break down?
Avi You would totally be the type of guy to get sympathy whatever - I can’t wait until your wife gets pregnant. I’m SO going to laugh my ass off between cravings and braxton-hicks contractions.
And… thank you! That really means a lot. :mrgreen:
ADW Thanks!!! And, NO KIDDING!!! Gah… men suck. (Except for Avi… and Joe) :mrgreen:
June 8, 2007 @ 9:15 am
You made me feel what you were writing. I hope that some men read this and realize that it isn’t all fun and games being a woman. It is pure hell.
Very funny!!!!
June 8, 2007 @ 9:47 am
Adam was right, this was fucking hysterical.
Oh. Fuck. Shit.
I mean..
Ahhhh, honey, I hope today is better!!!
June 8, 2007 @ 10:10 am
You’re 100 percent correct: Men may think they get it, but until they are laughing, crying, screaming and wanting a hug all at the same time without provocation, they’ll never understand what we go through at least once a month. But damn, I wish there was a pill that gave them PMS.
Sorry to laugh at your PMS pain, but I gotta admit that I did.
June 8, 2007 @ 10:17 am
TMP> Thank you!!! I hope so too. *bastards* :twisted:
Miss B :mrgreen: Me too… and Thanks!!!
Tense And, right there you summed it up better than I could. “laughing, crying, screaming and wanting a hug all at the same time without provocation.” - brilliant!!! And, it’s ok that you laughed, I laughed too… in between thoughts of mass murder and mayhem.
June 8, 2007 @ 11:35 am
For the love of God, tell me someone took pictures of you with Post-It notes in your ears.
PS - Pfft. Whiner. :razz:
June 8, 2007 @ 3:00 pm
Joe They wouldn’t DARE. :twisted:
June 8, 2007 @ 11:10 pm
If there are no pictures, can I at least get an artist’s rendition?
June 9, 2007 @ 7:29 pm
Amen, sister.
When that time hits me, I hide in the bathroom a lot.
June 10, 2007 @ 3:06 am
What’s PMS? I don’t get it…
June 10, 2007 @ 7:01 am
Oh that sounds like a normal day around here too! Hope you have better days ahead!
June 10, 2007 @ 2:35 pm
I remember the first time I understood PMS. I was telling my step mother that I had no idea what was wrong with me, that i MUST be going crazy. How everything would be fine and well, and the next second I was screaming at my husband with a little voice in the back of my head going “wtf girl??”
my step mother asked if I was maybe getting my period soon, to which i said I dunno, probably, why does that matter.
then she told me i probably had a case of PMS and wasn’t going insane.
That was about six months ago.
Some days I am slow, but it *is* nice to know I am not insane…right?
August 24, 2007 @ 1:37 am
Oh yeah… fast forward is right!!! :-)
August 24, 2007 @ 3:09 am
Going on 20 years in September…took him a while, but I finally got him kind of trained. :whip:
August 24, 2007 @ 4:37 am
There was never any Honeymoon period years 1-3. It was straight on to “I don’t care for your tone of voice, so you get to sleep in the guest room tonight” with an icy smile and dead eyes.
August 24, 2007 @ 5:19 am
So… when are you coming to Florida for a few days?
August 24, 2007 @ 5:38 am
But he’s really sorry!
Or something.
August 24, 2007 @ 3:23 pm
I’m scared…someone hold me,
August 24, 2007 @ 5:37 pm
:tongue:
August 24, 2007 @ 11:17 pm
:doh: men. pfft.
August 25, 2007 @ 6:01 am
:rock: You totally ROCK! Loved this entry.
My husband won’t sleep on the couch ever…so I go in there and actually sleep really well.
Alone.
Just for a night.
I secretly love it!
August 25, 2007 @ 2:40 pm
So true. Thanks, Amy. I don’t feel so bad for having these thoughts too.
August 25, 2007 @ 6:32 pm
You’re right. You’re always right - LOL
August 27, 2007 @ 11:10 am
Make-up sex? That would involve him admitting that he was wrong in any way, shape, or form.