Posted By AmyD. on October 12, 2007

The flesh? Is out of shape and rather flabby.

It all requires more time and effort than I have available, but I do what I can.

Take the other night, for instance. After a long day dealing with files and clients in an anxious and overly stressed real estate market, Mike (my husband) and I made a couple of martinis (gin and vermouth, stirred not shaken) then we drank them.

So we made two more.

We drank those as well. For some reason cooler weather = martinis at our house.

About the third martini I decided to head upstairs to the bedroom where I encountered my beloved Pilates ball. Let’s just be boldly honest for a moment. Those balls are just freakin’ cool. It takes you back to childhood when you strapped a lawn chair on to two skateboards and almost killed yourself going off the curb.

Oh, so it was just me that did that? Huh.

I eased into some stretches and then got my heart rate up a bit. That’s about the time that the martinis were kicking in.

Have you seen that Hanes commercial with the girls on the balls?

There is this move where they sort of do a side lunge while the ball rolls gracefully under them. As my husband, aka Mr. Obvious, put it, “It’s not as if those girls are professional dancers or anything, Amy.”

I don’t recommend trying that move after 3 martinis. Heck, I don’t recommend trying it sober either. And, probably not in your underwear…

I give you this advice from experience. I tried it and the first one went pretty well, a little shaky but not bad. So I did it again, then I tried it again only a little faster. This time I lost control of the ball and had a lovely view of my knees and feet as they flew over my head.

I rolled backward over the ball and came down on the floor, mostly on my ass; with a resounding thump that I was certain had probably woken up the entire house and most likely the neighbors as well. Then it occurred to me that I was probably lucky I hadn’t rolled right on out the screen door and on to the deck outside.

Within seconds my three year old was hanging over my face saying, “Mommy! Are you ok? I think you need a band-aid!”

I don’t believe they make band-aids for pride injuries.

The next night I asked my husband if he had heard the huge thump upstairs. He said that he had but he wasn’t worried because, “in this house, if it’s bad there’s screaming. Lots of screaming…” his voice trailed rather weakly with a glazed look in his eyes.

So much for my Prince Charming, at least the man makes a good martini.

Categories: Blogging, Holidays, My Humiliation For Your Pleasure, Stupid Husband Tricks, Things That Could Get Me Killed
Tags: drinking, Kids, klutz, martini, pilates, screams