Peace On Earth and Goodwill To Moms
Forgive me for the near constant holiday related posts lately. This happens to be my most favorite time of year and really, it does pass by so quickly that I feel the need to try and savor every moment. However, at the moment, I’m in a mood and I really can’t stand anyone. I’m nearing the point where I am going to go hibernate in my bedroom and not come out for two or three days.
Ok, honestly, like that would ever happen! Not that I haven’t fantasized about it… a lot.
Last night, I finally made the trek up the stairs to the bedroom, my sanctuary. I had just closed the door to the water closet when I was almost certain I heard Mike yelling, “Amy!!!” Surely, he wouldn’t be yelling for me not two minutes after I had left the room. So, I continued on with my business and turned up the volume on the radio in my head, much like someone might do to the car radio when their flat tire is fwap-fwap-fwapping behind them.
No, no, not me! But, my cousin did that once…
Anyway, I’m grooving along to my own little mental soundtrack when I hear a familiar noise. Again. I took a deep breath, assuring myself that no one could be that… annoying.
But, no, God help is pea-pickin’ little heart, that’s EXACTLY what he was doing, calling for me from downstairs where he was planted on the couch with Maggie and the cat. I finished up, washed my hands and stepped out into the hall and screamed at the top of my lungs,
“WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU - ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORON or SOMETHING?!?!?!”
No, not really. But OH, how I thought about it and believe me, I had very little restraint left, it almost came flying out at the speed of light. Instead I yelled, “WHAT?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?!?!”
And, then, I wished I had yelled the first thought. Do you KNOW what he had the NERVE to say next? Do you?
“What are you doing?”
What was I doing? WHAT WAS I DOING?!?!?!
I was taking two freakin’ minutes to maintain my sanity, you shmuck!!!! I was taking a MOMENT of silence for ME… MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
For the LOVE of GOD… I TELL you I’m going UPSTAIRS… follow through with it… and am STILL ASKED STUPID QUESTIONS?!?!?!?!
WHY DON’T I TAKE A FORK AND RAM IT INTO YOUR FOREHEAD AND THEN ASK YOU WHAT YOU ARE DOING?!?!?!?!? HMMMM????? WHY DON’T WE TRY THAT TONIGHT?!?!?!? JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, WHADDYA SAY?!!?!?!? WANNA? WANNA?!?!?!
ARE YA FEELING EXPERIMENTAL, OH LOVE OF MY LIFE!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
@#$@#%@#(@#)$@#$@#$%(@$#%@#_)(@#$_(@#$_)@(#%_
A-hem…
This is the announcer, we are unable to continue with our regularly scheduled programming because our hostess has temporarily taken leave of her senses. Instead we bring you the following:
For those of you still shopping and looking for interesting, funny, and or quirky gifts - I have the following links for you, check them out and pass them along to friends, family, and co-workers. My link whoring here has nothing whatsoever to do with me; I’m whoring out of goodwill, holiday cheer and nothing more. Check them out and enjoy!
Grandma’s Timeless Treasures - Depression era glass and more, antique collectibles make GREAT Christmas gifts and stocking stuffers!
Awesome Books by Blogging Author, Marti Lawrence - a good book doesn’t always hit the NY Times bestseller list (even if it should) and books always make a wonderful gift!
Enter the Laughter Shop - The gift of humor never fails. Lots of original designs to choose from!
Now… get to shopping and may you find the perfect gift for the people on your list!
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August 2, 2007 @ 4:12 am
Of course your writing sounds like you. You’re the one writing it.
Britt is great at drunk dialing - she’s always absolutely hysterical!
August 2, 2007 @ 4:26 am
Where exactly are heart cockles located. And why are there cockle shells (Jingle bells, cockle shells) if it is supposed to be in a human? I mean we don’t have Pookah Livers or Mother-of-Pearl Kidneys. I am just asking. And I really did think your cockles were much lower, like in your pants. Ooh, I know, I bet cockles are lady balls. OK, that’s it. From now on cockles = lady balls. So it was written, so shall it be.
August 2, 2007 @ 4:46 am
Small drunken blond women rule.
August 2, 2007 @ 6:21 am
Heh. Um. Yeah. Heh.
:blush:
August 2, 2007 @ 8:42 am
Avi sometimes people don’t sound like themselves.
And, yes, Brittini is always hilarious. I :heartbeat: hear very much!!!
ADW So shall it be. Now to have t-shirts and bumper stickers printed up: cockles = lady balls!
RW Especially in Britt’s house. Oh, wait, you meant rule as in cool… not rule as in The Queen (which totally applies here too) so yes… WOO HOO BRITT ROCKS!
Brittini :heartbeat:
:heartbeat: :heartbeat: :cheesy:
August 2, 2007 @ 10:04 am
I love the way you write, you don’t really do it to please anyone, and it seems as though you put your heart into it. :heartbeat:
Also, I agree with you about Britt. She’s great too.
August 2, 2007 @ 4:35 pm
Wait…that’s a better compliment than “nice rack”?
November 29, 2007 @ 4:49 am
Amy-whatcha doin’ now? :whistle:
November 29, 2007 @ 4:59 am
As a mum myself I sympathize totally. Obviously us women are expert multi taskers but even we need a break. Was sitting on the loo the other day when my son asks how long i was gonna be! Like how longs a piece of string? Happened to be reading a good book at the time and still had a couple of chapters to go. ‘As long as it takes’ I reply.
Heard the usual whinging about how really he really needed to go. ‘Go behind a bush’ was my response. Strange how he didnt really appreciate my comment. Still the book was good.
November 29, 2007 @ 5:24 am
Clearly, he would have been getting forked.
November 29, 2007 @ 5:26 am
I told you you should have called me. :poke:
November 29, 2007 @ 7:11 am
God love ya, darlin’, you’re the best! Thank you and best wishes! Maintaining sanity is a full-time job!
{{hugs}}
November 29, 2007 @ 7:20 am
I’m telling ya, scare them early and then later, they are too cowed to do that shit. :heartbeat:
November 29, 2007 @ 7:25 pm
First of all, I really, really enjoy your holiday cheer, even though you don’t have any in this post. I think it’s fantastic!
Also, I really admire the frankness with which you put forth your life in your blog! That’s what has always struck me when reading it.
AND..I would have forked him.
November 29, 2007 @ 8:57 pm
Put a fork in me… :whosnext:
Seriously, Tense only calls me when I’m halfway down the hall after being in a room with her. :pissed:
December 1, 2007 @ 8:52 pm
Forget the fork. Use a snow shovel.