Although, I have found your article nearly two year’s after you’ve written it, I could not have found it at a better time. I lived with my ex-boyfriend for a year and I can only remember one or two times I ever felt heard, validated, or that my opinion was respected and truly mattered. I am reflecting today, because although he moved out 7 months ago, (in his words our relationship was ‘too stressful’ for him) we still are talking. And, as he continues to ‘write’ his emails to me, we could be together if:

-I weren’t soo emotional
-I wasn’t so needy
-I wasn’t so demanding
-If I didn’t have so many expectations
-If I didn’t yell and scream
-If I would admit I have anger management problems
-If I were happy with ‘myself’
-Etc. Etc. Etc. !

I tried talking to him very early in our relationship regarding hearing my point of view. He’s such a terrible listener, that when I start a sentence and he disagrees with it, he can not contain himself and blurts out his defense. I’ve never heard him once say that he was wrong about anything. He’s half-arsed remarked, ‘yeah, I know I could be a better listener’..but, doesn’t change any of it. I’ve researched articles on the internet for both of us to communicate better, and he dismissed every attempt as “he doesn’t need random people telling him how to have a conversation”. It’s been a really frustrating year. I have made my share of mistakes, and lost my temper quite a few times. I remember rolling over in bed one night and straddling him, covering his mouth with my hand saying “why can’t you just listen to me???” and, then I do yell, because he’s constantly interjecting and talking over me. I get hurt, upset and cry about it and then only blamed for the yelling or violent behavior. (ive pushed him out of my way before, punched in him the arm, etc.) Nothing seems to stop this madness. Last night, I was crying again pleading with him to just hear me.. he kept speaking louder and louder simply saying my name repeately so I could not be heard. This is so hurtful. Finally, he calls me crazy (because I am screaming over him), I need ‘therapy’, and he’s going to send the ‘men in the little white coats’ to come and get me because he’s in fear I’ll harm myself!

Your title fits perfectly. “It doesn’t mean, he’s not a Dick”.

Thank you!

I take three mood stabilisers a day an sometimes it still isnt enough I use Cognitive behavioural therapy and as many tools as I can equip myself with and having come back from the brink of no confidence self esteem or will to live I really feel for you

You need to have people around you that understand you for all of you no matter what that entails I am sometimes too open about my Bipolar and all its ups and downs but this has come from a need to weed out the good from the bad seeing someone who you thought was a friend disapate into the shadows because they are tarnishing you as a fucking fruit loop with out asking questions or even googling can be enough

Hugs

Be well

L

Avi – :lurve: :heartbeat: :lurve:

Crys – Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you? You are a brilliant, brilliant woman and I hope someday to be half as brilliant as you are. :greatone:

Becky: I hear you. Boy, do I hear you. I’m finding that it’s not so bad to blog about this stuff from time to time. I sure as hell feel better and if it helps anyone else than even if it didn’t make me feel better – helping someone else definitely would. :thanks:

Beamer: :coffee: I don’t know how accurate amazing is, but it sure is nice to hear. Thank you!

Cranky Amy: :smooch: Well, you know, grownups say that violence is never an answer… I say anything that makes you feel better should be considered as an answer. :toya:

I hear you on all of it. At some point, I wish we could all just respect each other’s feelings and understand that even if we don’t necessarily agree, it’s nice to know that someone still cares about our thoughts and respects them as well.

Crazy Lady: Is the wind blowing it through Bakersfield right into Las Vegas? :tirade: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

Erin: :thumbsup: I don’t know about brave. Pissed? Crazy ( )? Lacking all common sense and dignity? Quite possibly all of the above?

*sigh* Maybe brave is in the eye of the beholder. :rotflmao:

Jen :thanks: really, really :thanks: