Crazy Cat Lady
I have a dog. I like him. But, I’m really not a dog person. Dogs are the animal world’s version of a suck up. They have the potential to like everybody (maybe that’s why I like my dog, he really doesn’t like everybody) and they will come up to you and roll over and act all submissive. Cats won’t do that.
When a dog walks up to you and barks, looking like he has something important to tell you, you say, “What is it? Did Timmy fall down the well again? Does Timmy need help?”
When a cat walks up to you and meows like that you say, “What? Did Timmy fall down the well? Do we need to go laugh at his stupid ass?”
That is how a cat rolls. There is no help there, just a constant stream of mockery and disgust.
My cat will hide at the top of the stairs (on the banister) and attack you as you go up or down the stairs. Do you think she cares if she scares the bejeezus out of someone and makes them fall down the stairs? Hell no! She’s HOPING for that! Broken leg? That’s ICING on the cake!!
Then there is Ethan’s cat. She’ll look very sweet and will actually walk up to you and lay down on the floor and stretch as if inviting you to rub her belly or something. Less intelligent people have tried. They have subsequently required band-aids and copious amounts of hydrogen peroxide.
Zander will wait cautiously for you to do something stupid, like leave your hot dog within reach. Liza will walk right up to you, leap onto the desk and decide to drink all of your iced tea and doesn’t care whether you are sitting there or not. In fact, she’ll stick her paw into your glass to ensure that you will no longer be using the damn thing. It’s the cat version of the old human trick of licking the last piece of pizza so no one eats it. It’s not a dumb thing - it’s a ballsy thing.
Liza has convinced the parakeet that she is his friend. I kid you not. That bird hates ALL of us except Maggie and Liza. Liza will go up to the cage and start purring and the stupid bird DANCES for her and runs over to the side of the cage chirping happily as if she is a very good friend. We feed that stupid bird, we clean up after it and the little bastard still runs from us every time we go near the cage. If the vacuum cleaner is ran too close to his cage he falls of the damn perch.
The rest of us clearly understand that Liza is totally hoping to score her first kill and this is all one long, well thought out plan of attack that has very unique (and obviously successful) emotional components. That freaking bird TRUSTS her. He makes kissy noises at her.
Which tells you smart that bird is. He kisses the cat, imitates the coffee grinder, and falls off his perch at the first sound of the vacuum.
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June 11, 2008 @ 3:00 am
I’m just hoping there isn’t a test on all this stuff later. :shock: :thanks:
I guess the little fur ball Munchkin thingy doesn’t get involved in all this drama.
As for the bird, Around the Beamer household, It would be history. Especially after hearing it yesterday. You have either much poorer hearing or much more calm than I, dear Lady.
Oh Yeah, e-mail.
Beamer
June 11, 2008 @ 4:28 am
That bird is the animal version of Adam Sandler in Little Nicky. Loud as hell, but dense as a box of rocks in the rain.
My dog must be wired wrong, she doesn’t love everyone. Everyone is here to love her. She has her pecking order, and anyone I don’t like, is on the list to get peed on. (Which is why one of my husbands officers refuses to come near us… combat boots hold the scent of dog urine well)
June 11, 2008 @ 5:29 am
I used to want a dog. We had a dog for two weeks. They are a lot of work. Too much for my liking.
Our cat used to do crazy things but he’s older know and just lays there like a lump. That’s fine by me!
June 11, 2008 @ 5:32 am
You know, if you weren’t married with kids, you’d totally be the crazy cat lady.
June 11, 2008 @ 5:41 am
We’ve had our fair share of dogs and none of them have lasted longer then a month in this household. Too much work. Our cat, on the other hand, has been here for over 7 years and although she hates everybody except my daughter, she is the best pet we could ever ask for.
June 11, 2008 @ 5:42 am
Hah! I just realized what the title of your post was.
June 11, 2008 @ 6:04 am
I am totally with you on the cat thing.
Plus, you can tell a cat “not now” and it doesn’t get all hurt and offended. Pissed maybe, but I can relate to that.
June 11, 2008 @ 7:26 am
Despite the noise and level of stupidity, I love your hodgepodge of animals :D (even ethan, though he must be tougher to clean up after ha!)
your parakeet has random tantrums. haha more like some bird form of epilepsy? :o liza used to be so nice to me, now i think all those months of maggie pulling her by the tail finally got to her? well to me at least lol
June 11, 2008 @ 9:46 am
My cat totally does that “pet my belly” thing. Sometimes she actually wants her belly pet and other times she’s thinking “hmmm, I haven’t had human in a while, a nice human snack could be nice!” I’ve learned to pet her with my sleeves rolled up over my hands. She’ll even retract her claws as soon as you say “ouch! stop it” and then will lick your hand in a “yum human..but I’ll pretend to be sorry so you’ll keep falling for this” way.
June 11, 2008 @ 10:14 am
pandemonium
June 11, 2008 @ 10:16 am
See -I took the easy route - and left out the animals. Much easier just to be the crazy lady… no cat boxes to clean that way.