The Nasty “C” Word
Posted By AmyD. on January 7, 2009
New year, new look?
Sheesh, you must know me better than that! I’d change the look here even if the year didn’t change… or something like that. I never wonder how long it will last, I just wait for the day when I show up here take a look around and have to stop myself from yakking on my keyboard.
I also added a Testicular Cancer page. I didn’t plan on becoming any sort of an advocate by any stretch, but I thought I would be remiss to experience what I have and not bring attention to the fact that all you men out there should be checking your bits and pieces at least once a month!
I really can’t begin to fully describe what it is like to sit next to your child’s bed and know that he has tubes literally coming out of both ends of his body, one of them causing him so much pain that it brought tears to his eyes just to attempt to swallow. Words can’t begin to express what it is like walking the floor of a hospital, around and around again because he was supposed to at least 3x daily. I got pretty good at unhooking the necessary tubes and wrapping them around his IV stand, then he held on to that stand like a little, old man with a walker and around we would go.
Then there was the night I stepped out to grab a bottled water only to return and find that his NG tube had blood running through it. It had begun suctioning from the side of his stomach and irritated it. So I sat there, watching television with him, only I pretended to watch because I kept staring at that tube, wondering if he was going to start bleeding again.
I would have taken his place in a heartbeat.
And, here I am going on and on about it again. I think it’s going to take some time to get over. I can’t think about the entire ordeal without tearing up. Ethan has told me that sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks the NG tube is still in. After all of this, it isn’t the loss of a testicle or the fact that he had cancer that bothers him, it’s the pain he endured during recovery and the horror of 5 days spent in the hospital.
It’s true, the physical mends beautifully… it’s the emotional wounds that are taking time to heal. Everything else is just no big thing.
This Thursday will be exactly 1 month since we received the news that Ethan is 100% cancer free. Four years and eleven months to go to hit the big five year mark. You can bet I cross the days/months off my calender now.
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I can’t begin to even comprehend all that you and your family went through. Not everything has a rhyme or reason behind the events that take place in our lives but… I do think that Ethan has been made stronger through this ordeal as well as the whole family! The one thing your family never gave up on was hope. Ethan owned his cancer and the cancer fled. It knew it could do nothing to your family! Remember that as you mark off your calendar!
I like the new look!
I will keep my fingers crossed that the next 4 years 11 months are pain and cancer free for ethan!
I can’t imagine how horrible watching Ethan go through this was for you. But you seem to have all emerged on the other side as strong as ever. Good for you.
Good for you for encouraging other to “get a grip”. I am glad that Ethan has emerged physically healthy and I am sure that, with as strong as he is, the emotional side will heal up nicely, too.
Maybe a change in perspective will help: Consider how lucky you are that he found the lump, that he wasn’t afraid to tell you about it in a timely manner, that you found a good doctor to ease both your fears, that all the crap in the hospital ended in a cancer-free Ethan.
Trauma takes a while to recover from. Sometimes it helps to find the hidden blessings.
Love the new look!!
I don’t think the emotional wounds ever heal completely. If they did, we wouldn’t be human. You learn to live with them and learn from them.
Recovery, both physical and emotional, is never easy. Its also never done quickly. You survived this as a family, and you will heal as a family. All of you are strong and things will settle back into normal, and these memories will start to fade and not be so fresh. Until then, you mark your calendar days and celebrate!!