I must be getting older… for the first time not only do I miss Christmas, but I have vowed not to let another Christmas fly by without taking a moment to enjoy it. That means that I have decided to start planning for next Christmas already.

After Christmas everything became crystal clear. For once I clearly saw the gap between pulling the turkey out of the oven and putting the ham in; it was completely clear, (did I mention it was CLEAR?) I could have saved Christmas by shaving off 8 maybe 15 minutes.

THIS… I realized while staring at pictures of a snow covered Washington D.C. on the news is the true miracle of Christmas. This was that beautiful moment when I truly saw the world as a better place. Where I saw what the magic of Christmas really is.

It is in the 8 to 15 minutes when you take the turkey out and put the ham in.

Okay, that is over simplifying it. I know, I know.

But see, for once, I did not drift through January in an annual holiday season hangover. “Holiday Season Hangover” – That’s the portion of the population that isn’t exactly happy to see Christmas go but they aren’t so excited that they are hitting all the after Christmas sales and already have next Christmas taken care of by January 5th. No, instead my mind floated over the holiday season in much the same way your fat uncle surveys the wreckage that was Thanksgiving dinner, and I had an epiphany.

I saw every mistake, every wasted moment, every opportunity to have made things just that much easier. I saw it in a pristine and perfect snapshot.

Or as Phil and Bob would say, “It’s ideal.”(That’s a White Christmas reference for those wondering who the hell Bob and Phil are)

And, I realized that not only did I need to write down, in detail, every brilliant idea I was having, but I knew that I should also detail this process for your amusement.

Christmas is like child birth, within a few months you nearly forget all the pain and labor. You lament that your wreath is disappearing for another year and that the Christmas tree is still so fresh it’s almost a shame to take it down. But, after all the pine needles are vacuumed up and that last scrap of curling ribbon has been vomited up by the couch, you forget all the work that went into it.

Which is why in that perfect moment of clarity, I knew that I had to write down all the details before they became just rose-colored moments of Christmas past. I’ll be honest, part of what inspired that moment of clarity was sheer paranoia. You know how there are those dreams you have maybe 2 or 3 months after giving birth… you dream you are pregnant again and you think, “Oh my God, no!!!!” Right?

I had a post-Christmas nightmare. In my dream it was Christmas Eve and I had not bought a single present or any groceries at all. There was no Christmas tree and my decorations were still packed away in the garage!

I still shudder just thinking about that dream.

In fact, that dream impacted me so much that within a week I had several stocking stuffers for next Christmas arrive at my house.

I’m closing the gap between the turkey and the ham.