Thank God/Goddess that school is OUT OUT OUT. Finals are over and another summer vacation has begun. Well, not for me, but for the kids at least. Still… they’ll be around a lot (minus their annual vacation with my mom) and I am totally looking forward to that.
Anyway, kid/mom stuff aside I’m ready to bore you with more of my favorite things… aren’t you excited?
I brought a fresh bunch of mint and rosemary into the kitchen, rinsed it well, and plopped it into a vase on my desk. It smells heavenly and is so nice to look at since I’m stuck in my little corner here all day. The next day I noticed something moving on the leaves. It’s a super, tiny caterpillar. For a second or two I actually thought about taking it out and feeding it to one of the chicks. But, there was only one and I didn’t want to look like I was favoring anybody and besides, I don’t think I could take any creature off to be eaten by another creature.
We’re down to three now. From six to three. Two died and one Zander played with just a little too hard. Those little things are fragile! Anyway, just to make it clear - Zander did NOT attack the chickie, it was hopping around his nose and they were playing and he just… sort of… uh… well, never mind. But, it was an accident!
After all, he used to be best friends with a rooster.
We still have a black and yellow one. Kate named it Kodak. Which is fairly unisex, considering we still have no idea what sex they are yet. Still waiting for crowns and things to show up. They are awfully cute. Like fat tennis balls with legs and wings!
So, I’m putting on a sunny face. Sunday is Mother’s Day (Happy Mother’s Day to you gals who are celebrating!) and after the week I’ve had… well, let’s just say my kids OWE me. BIG TIME. Not the little one, just the older two ingrates. Let’s just say that when they want to be stereotypical teenagers, they are really, really good at it.
This picture was taken just a couple of hours before the accident. That little gold chicken next to Kodak? That’s the one that got it. I still feel bad about it. It was Ethan’s favorite.
- Sometimes I wish I could admit that I am using all of my powers for good instead of using them to wring someone’s neck until their eyeballs pop out while screaming, “SHUT THE FUCK UP, JUST SHUT UP!!! PLEASE!” I wish I could admit it because I think the fact that I don’t do it should be appreciated.
- Want to know what I hate about being a grown up? Not only does no one notice that I am out of clean underwear, nobody gives a shit either. Let someone else run out of clean underwear and I’m #1 on their contact list.
- No good deed goes unpunished.
- Kate is watching “Grease” in the other room… and I am singing along to every word in my head. I think I have every bit of that movie memorized.
- The weather has cooled off and I like that… my ass doesn’t sweat when sitting on this chair. I absolutely hate to sweat. Seriously. HATE. Like… ‘if hate were people, I’d be China!’ kind of hate.
- Just because I happen to be in the office at 9pm does not mean I am working. It just happens to mean that my work computer is also my personal computer and maybe I’d like to do something at it that doesn’t have anything to do with work. In short, it’s not an invitation for you to start asking me work/business related questions.
- Sierra Nevada Summerfest Lager is good.
- Not sure about Hornitos Tequila, but as soon as I am done writing this pathetic excuse for a post, I plan to find out.
Maggie in the water closet, taking care of business, and planning the rest of her evening…
“Hey Daddy, you want to tickle me?”
Mike (shaving at the sink), “Not while you’re in there!”
*silence*
Then to the tune of Old MacDonald Had A Farm…
“OH, Mary had a little bum… *pause* eeeeee eye eeeee eye OOohhhhhhhhh!”
Traditional nursery rhymes are just not edgy enough for her.
Other versions include…
Old MacDonald had a bad chicken…
Old MacDonald had lots of poops…
Old MacDonald had a jaguar…
and Old MacDonald had a dinosaur.
And if she doesn’t know what sound, for example, a dinosaur makes then whatever it is just says “Moo.”
So, deep down she likes to be edgy but with traditional roots.
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After what felt like hours of listening to Kate and Ethan bitch at each other I finally snapped. This is what they SAY they heard:
“I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THIS HOSTILITY. EVERYONE START BEING NICE OR I AM GOING TO SET YOU ALL ON FIRE, POUR MYSELF A DRINK, AND GIGGLE UNTIL I PASS OUT.”
I’m pretty sure I said, “Can’t we all just get along? Come on… get over here… GROUP HUG!”
The other night Maggie and I were in bed watching a cartoon. Maggie stuck her foot in my face and said, “Kiss my foot! Kiss my foot!”
I asked her what was wrong with her foot and she said, “My TOE hurts!”
“Maggie, did you bump it really hard?”
“No! I bit it.”
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“I’m too afraid of all the big sins I’ll commit if I try to stifle all the little ones.” ~ Mike
“Today, I don’t like anyone. In fact, everyone is just in various stages of annoying the living hell out of me.” ~ Yours Truly
“I think Liza’s a crackhead!” ~Maggie (thank you, Ethan. )
“Now Maggie, it isn’t very fair to lock the door when you’re playing hide and seek. That’s a little like cheating, honey.” - Mike, playing Hide and Seek with Maggie.
1. I hate checking my voicemail. HATE IT. I can’t tell you why, I can’t say what it is about it, but it’s definitely a huge pain in the ass and I can’t stand doing it. I have been known to leave messages waiting for DAYS. DAYS. And, to tell you how much I HATE checking my voicemail? My most favorite message recently was where I got to spend a solid 3+ minutes listening to my current favorite 3-year-old cook with her mother. They didn’t KNOW they were leaving a voice mail. This, to me, was far better than someone who meant to leave me a message.
2. I adore my friends. I love my family. But, I do go on the occasional binge where I don’t want to socialize in any form. I might just drop out of pocket for a few days. No IM’ing, no phone, and no visitors. Sometimes that even carries over to email. I can’t explain it, I haven’t been able to pinpoint what brings it on, all I know is that for those few days, I’m more comfortable keeping to myself and just my kids/husband. And, this is always about me, never about the people I’m not talking to at the time.
3. Walking outside barefoot. In the summer, occasionally, I break down and garden sans footwear. Otherwise, I cannot handle the feel of my bare feet on cement. And, the thought of getting dust (not dirt, probably why I don’t mind gardening barefoot) on my feet gives me the heebie-jeebies.
4. I have to brush my teeth before I get in the shower. Doesn’t matter when I am showering my mouth MUST feel minty-fresh while I am in the shower. And, if by some chance I don’t… well, then, I just don’t feel clean when I get out of the shower!
5. First thing in the morning I have to have a cup of coffee and read the news. If I can’t do BOTH it throws my entire morning and most likely my day completely off. My husband believes that I wake up and leap right out of bed. He doesn’t realize that just because I don’t lay in bed for 20 minutes after I wake up does not mean I am awake. I don’t really wake up until after my first cup of coffee. I can’t even read through any blogs before I’ve read the news.
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I’ve just recently finished two books.
“Last Seen Leaving” by Kelly Braffet
and
“Eighteen Seconds” by George D. Shuman
“Last Seen Leaving” was an excellent read. Fairly short and fast paced with a good ending.
“Eighteen Seconds” was also really good. A little twisty and little rushed in places, but overall good. Anyone who knows me will understand why I was less than happy with the end, my odd quirks aside, it was a solid ending.
No, I’m not dead… I’m just posting horrifically late.
Birthday weekends are pretty cool. We went out to dinner on Saturday and had family over to play games and hang out yesterday. Which of course, caused me to miss Miss Britt’s debut on Mr. Fab’s radio show. I feel horrible about that, I really do. Sorry Britt!!!!
I had an awesome weekend. Relaxed a lot, got a little tipsy last night… and the most awful thing on my agenda for today is a doctor’s appoint.
One of those appointments… the annual kind.
The sort of appointment where you go in because you just want to make sure that you will continue to have refills on your medication and in return for said refill authorization they probe you with very cold and uncomfortable metal thingies.
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.
Perhaps I’ll take pictures again… or maybe I’ll call Britt while I am sitting on an exam table hoping my ass doesn’t sweat from nervousness and shred the paper cover.
Before our regularly scheduled programming, I’d like to let you in on an evening with Maggie. Another evening with Maggie. I want you to get an idea of what happens when I don’t step in.
I heard Mike say this in the other room - use your imagination as to what was going on:
“Put that down! Put it ON the table… whaddya doin’ with it THAT FULL?!?!?! WHO DID THAT?!?!?!”
A few minutes later, I hear Ethan:
“Maggie - PUT THAT DOWN!!!
To which Maggie responded,
“You… YOU GO SHUT UP ETHIP!!!! I not like you ANYmore!” (ANY is emphasized A LOT here)
The problem is that Maggie is like a wild animal. All of her senses are waiting at the ready for any flicker of light, any noise, any smell (especially if it smells like popcorn). So as she is yelling at Ethan, Katie casually walks into the room and picks up the cat, Liza, to take her to bed.
But, she wasn’t casual enough. Maggie has a keen sense for any form of subterfuge and she knew that something in her immediate vicinity was about to change. Maggie doesn’t like change. The universe is hers and hers alone. Thus the entire content thereof belongs to her as well.
“Katie… that is MY CAT. Put her down… right now.”
Kate made the mistake of ignoring Maggie. Maggie will not be ignored. Especially when she is in THIS particular mood. The next sound is coming from the stairs. Maggie is shrieking, sobbing, and has flung herself, dramatically, on the stairs.
“Liza… LIZAAAAAAAAA!!!” She sobbed, hysterically, sounding very much like Marlon Brando in Streetcar Named Desire… “STELLA” Only Maggie is yelling, “LIZA!!!!”
“Liza is MY cat… MINE! You… YOU DON’T touch me… Katie!! You are FIRED!!!! FIRED!!!!”
Fired. See what I mean? FIRED! The kid thinks she is Donald Trump and we don’t even watch The Apprentice!!! I was fired 4 times before dinner the other night.
So, I finally stepped in and sent her to her room. I don’t know why everyone else over complicates it.
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Lewis Black is my all-time favorite comedian. I love him. Enjoy!!!
Ahhhh, it’s a brisk 49 degrees this morning and I decided to be a “good” wife and mother by making oatmeal for Mike and Maggie this morning. Poor Ethan and Kate had to make their own breakfast but judging from the leftover mess in the kitchen it looks like scrambled eggs and toast was the flavor of the day, so they didn’t get off too bad.
I mixed up Nutrisystem oatmeal for myself (day 2, no fudge ups, doing pretty well) and cooked up real, whole grain oats for Mike and Maggs. Mike ate his entire bowl with almost a smile. Maggie… took two bites and on the third proceeded to open her mouth and just let the food fall out. At 4 years old this is not the kind of protest I take kindly to, at all. This may be her first shot at “tough love” because I am tempted to leave the oatmeal there and when she wants lunch… voila` oatmeal!
Except, I’ve always thought parents who did that were mean. I never had to with Ethan or Kate… but Maggie seems to be a different breed altogether.
Ethan is attending his first formal this weekend. My mom was kind enough to rent a limo for the night and Ethan, GJ and their gorgeous, intelligent dates will be out on the town in style. It’s just too bad that the formal is being held at the fairgrounds… could be worse I suppose.
I wish I had something better today… glad I didn’t sign up for that 365 Blog thing. I just don’t think I’m capable of putting out quality posts 7 days a week. Hell, I don’t put out quality posts 5 days a week!
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