Oh yeah…

KABOOSH!

Maggie is a big fan of YouTube. Yes, it is even hitting the preschool set these days. She also has more friends on MySpace than I do! However, one of her favorite songs from YouTube can also be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeK08o2qiSU

and looks a little like this:

She pointed to her own eyebrows and said, “I like his these.” Not long after I heard her running through the house singing the song and was finally lucky enough to catch it on video.

Direct link here

Ok, I have several videos coming down the pike here. All pretty funny stuff, but I had a busy weekend and just haven’t had the time to do all the fun, fancy stuff to them yet.

In other news, two more second-hand pets have found us. Two lovely bunnies, a black and white girl (Kate named her Oreo) and a white Cadbury-like bunny that Maggie has named Twelby. Oreo is pretty bitchy and appears to be under the impression that she can take any one of us if she really wanted to and she’s the little one!

Twelby is a doll. Super sweet and he loves to be scratched and loved on.

In Memoriam

I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still - in each new dawn

~Author Unknown

*WARNING*
For those of you who are new around here or are under the impression that I am a nice person. I just want you to know that I am, but I am about to lose my shit in the following paragraphs and I just don’t want you to hold it against me. You’ve been warned. - Oh, and fair warning, sarcastic comments probably won’t be looked at kindly today. Just so you know.

You know what? I’m goddamn done being the nice guy, being the bigger person. And so help me God, someone is going to pay for this garbage in a big, fat, ugly, ass raped, burn for eternity in hell kind of way.

We do not have a home owner’s association. Thank God, around here they are pretty much nothing but trouble and complete bullshit.

My front yard? Is immaculate. I’d post pictures but I’m too fucking pissed to go outside right now, because if IF I see a neighbor look at me so much as slightly crossway I’m going to light their ass up bigger than any fucking 4th of July barbecue.

My backyard? IMMACULATE. Slightly immature, but what do you expect for a yard that is only a year old?

We have a 1964 Chevy truck in our driveway. It won’t fit in the garage, it’s 4-wheel drive, and primer gray. We don’t drive it because a.) it’s my son’s truck, waiting for time for he and his father to make it pretty again (also it was owned by my FIL originally and passed down to Mike) and b.) umm, it doesn’t have appropriate seat belts and WHY in God’s name would we drive it around when we have two vehicles of our own and our son does not have a license yet, hmmm? Essentially, it’s a classic that just needs to be restored.

Some stupid, fucking, cockwadding, asswiping, numbfuck, twatsicle neighbor called to complain to the city about the truck and the two bantam chickens in the backyard. Oh yes, the TWO, TINY chickens in the backyard that control unwanted pests and are totally a GREEN FRIENDLY SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT (there is currently a bill they are trying to get passed to allow this for home gardeners) alternative to spraying chemicals around our children and further polluting the planet.

The guy from the city? Thought it was funny actually. Considering there are train tracks nearby and non-fucking stop construction from the construction crews who refuse to wait until their 7am start time to start building the fucking houses on the lots that line the back of our property. He walked into a lovely backyard with butterflies buzzing around, daylilies in bloom, and two adorable chickens nesting under the butterfly bush.

Two chickens that I have to get rid of TODAY and THEN call this guy back out to ensure that we did it.

If I find out which neighbor it was - God help them. I will make their lives a living hell.

How about the neighbors in the cul-de-sac who have lined their fucking front porch with hideous looking plants and LEFT THEM in the ugly black containers from the nursery so it looks like a weed (and not the good kind) factory behind their stupid ass looking fountain and house that they have fronted with four different kinds of mismatched rocks that looks like a design nightmare straight from hell.

Or perhaps the neighbor two doors over with the 8 foot weed in her front bed and backyard that is nothing but dirt - when our purchase contracts state that we have to put in a backyard within a year of occupying the property?

Oh wait.. or maybe the neighbors behind us who threw a big ass party with cars lined up and down the streets and then several party goers pulled up with a flat bed trailer and started loading up lumber from the construction site? (Mike called the police on that one)

Or the neighbor across the street who NEVER MOVED in and has 6 foot weeds in the backyard and beds overflowing with weeds in the front yard?

Oh wait, let’s not even mention the stupid fucks in the cul-de-sac who bought a house that is terra cotta and GRAY only to paint the door flaming fucking twat-wad red? Hmmmm?

Or the nine houses on the streets around us where no one is mowing their damn lawn?

Or the house next door that is not foreclosed on (YET) and the backyard has HUGE weeds growing in it that I have to look at every time I fucking go out on the deck.

OR the fucking neighbor two doors over with 3 full size Dobermans (and at least one more small dog) that bark NON FUCKING STOP? It’s not even legal to have that many dogs here and why would you put 3 HUGE dogs in a tiny dog run in a tiny backyard anyway? And the BARKING? Did I mention the constant BARKING?

But NO, immaculate front yard and very pretty backyard owning US - get harassed.

I’m livid. I love this house but all the neighbors can go suck a rotten cock for all I care.

UPDATE
Although not much of one. Mike was in contact with another gentleman (from the same part of town we are in) who has close to an acre (zoned for livestock) where he has bunnies and bantam chickens. He is more than happy to come and pick up Hank and Chickie. We’re just happy to have found a home that will treat them as kindly as we have. Although, that is little consolation. I’m going to miss going out and talking to Chickie and petting her. She coos so pretty when you pet her.

Of course, this does little to quell my deep desire for revenge. I’m trying to work through the anger but it’s pretty hard. My neighbor next door couldn’t believe it. She’s of the “Nancy Drew” nature, so maybe she’ll find something out. As it stands, I can’t say for sure it’s a neighbor, maybe it was one of the builder’s employees, maybe it was someone in the sales office, it could just have been some “Johnny Rulebook” who happened to walk by.

But, if I find out who it was…

My kids are in Oahu for 7 days. Well, less than that now since they’ll be back on Tuesday.

Tropical paradise… I’m trying not to envy the little bastards but it’s getting hard.
Especially when I receive things like this on my cell phone:

My lovely daughter sent me that their first night there. It’s the view from their hotel room.

*sigh*

All I know is that if I don’t get a couple of boxes of chocolate covered Macadamia nuts out of this someone is going to catch hell. In the meantime, it’s just Mike, Maggie and I. Oh, and occasionally Tim who we’ve sort of just adopted. I’m moving up from animals back up off me, man!

Tuesday night Maggie let the stupid bird out of his cage. He flew into the ceiling fan, got caught in the wind current, was thrown into the wall and landed on the back of the couch. He sat there looking rather stunned and shaking his head. Thank God Liza was asleep and missed it because I don’t think he’d have lasted long. I think that bird was not blessed with the normal brain birds get.

Yesterday we were going to take Maggs to the movies. Kung Fu Panda. Maggie got up around 9am and went back to bed at 11, slept until almost 2, woke up and went back to sleep on the couch until around 5 when she woke up and promptly puked. After that she was back in the game 100% - twenty minutes after puking she had let Sophie loose and I found Sophie standing up on her hind legs barking at Tim.

I think she was totally getting off on someone being intimidated by her! They (Ethan and Tim) both swear that Sophie has bit them… I don’t believe it for a second. My little angel wouldn’t ever do that!

This was supposed to be posted last Friday but I couldn’t get anything to work right. Now, here it is. Enjoy!

Amy Making Margaritas from Amy Doran on Vimeo.

Ok, since I have a cold right now and feel like I’ve been run over by a garbage truck, thrown back into the road and hit by an RV filled with beer swilling rednecks… I want to talk about things that make me feel better.

Aside from pedicures, sex, a massage. TMI? I thought so. My bad. Onward and upward though…

I’m a super picky freak. I admit it. In the past I have actually demanded fresh water. (I’ll wait, I just reread that post and it is far better writing than anything I’ve given you in a long time, so feel free to read it.)

I love Kleenex with lotion. It is the ONLY Kleenex that I buy and I never buy a generic substitute. That is the only tissue that doesn’t turn my nose into a raw, two-holed mass on my face when I have a cold or allergies. I also love Comtrex and Zicam. But, only the Zicam in the pre-measured spoon thingies. I mix it into hot tea and almost can’t taste it!

I love causing other people great discomfort when I’m sick. It makes me feel better to know that if a member of the household is not catering to my every whim in a deeply committed desire to make me feel better that I can find ways to make them regret it and amuse myself at the same time. This includes forcing my husband to sit in the same position for two hours while I sleep propped up on him. He claims that I get very “clingy” when I’m sick. It’s partially true. But, if I’m sick I figure that whole “for better or worse, sickness and in health” thing should come into play and that if I’m uncomfortable than he should be as well.

And, I know, I was hoping to provide a video of the cutest kitchen appliance on the planet (and even Beamer will think it’s cute, really, I swear!) but I got sick. There is always next week and I swear it’s worth it.

Oh, and I totally did have video for today but YouTube is acting like a giant ass and for whatever reason I can’t get the entire video to show up on Flickr. I’m thoroughly frustrated, tired, AND sick. So, instead of my usual determination, you have lazy excuses.

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Or something like that…

The surface appears superficial, like a plastic mask with a permanent happy face. Fun and games, silly pictures and ridiculous pet stories. That’s me.

Then I come out of the blue with stuff like yesterday’s post and you see that maybe the waters run a little deeper than they originally appeared.

Oh ho! Not so… I am just as shallow as you thought I was the day before yesterday!

Ladies - here is a little something to get you to the end of the week. Drooling is totally acceptable as they are totally over 18!!

Remember when it was all fun and games because MIKE was the one who got it?
Allow me to refresh your memory…

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