A welcome respite from another week of going and going and going. I remember being a kid and thinking, “wow, the weekend! FREEDOM!!!” and as an adult it’s more like, “great, now I get to be a slave to my house for two days.”

Laundry. That’s a priority.

Dirty clothes turning into clean clothes has become a priority.

I’ve considered starting my own nudist colony but the rest of the clan doesn’t seem to be warming up to the idea. Considering some of us aren’t in the best shape around here, it’s probably not the best idea.

And, so, laundry is a priority. A weekend priority, no less.

Mike is in a safety class today. The house is really quiet and Maggie is even here. I can’t believe that I used to think it was Maggs that caused all the commotion! Apparently, Mike is a lot louder than he looks. I think he must sneak it by covertly with all those subtle earth tones that he likes to wear.

And there I go back to laundry. It’s a vicious cycle.

Cycle… laundry… HA! Pardon the pun.

While I’m doing laundry I might as well clean out the laundry room. I noticed the last time I made my way through the door that our Christmas stockings are in there. I can’t imagine why because I’m pretty neurotic about putting all of my Christmas decorations and things back in their storage tubs.

I think the problem lies in that I always have everyone take their stockings and smaller gifts upstairs late Christmas morning because family is due over “anytime” and I want the place somewhat free from all the clutter. The kids, sharp as tacks they are, take their stockings (filled with candy and Christmas stuff) up to their rooms as “late night snacks” and voila’ stockings n the laundry room.

Maybe this year I’ll have them dump their stocking bounty into zip loc bags and then rehang their stockings back up on the mantle. That makes more sense. I think I tried this plan a couple of years ago… it might have worked out, but I don’t remember for sure… I’ve slept since then.

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Blogger’s block is still on. I’m in the thick of it and see no end in sight. Lucky you.

I watched Fringe last night. I loved it. I’m glad to see Joshua Jackson back on television. Although, I will take Pacey anyway I can get him. Of the Dawson Creek bunch he’s probably my favorite. I always rooted for Pacey.

Which reminds me, of my own group of teenage misfits the drama continues. Ethan and Julie are back together. I don’t know what she sees in the boy, honestly. Tim is going to become a fireman, he’s moved up north to go to school and promises to be back to visit before Christmas. He was “home” over the weekend. Between finding Tim asleep in one of the recliners in the family room and Julie popping in and out, the house finally felt “normal” again, for the first time since school started, I might add.

Timmy! ahem, I mean Tim, the fireman.

And this is one of our rabbits, Oreo, lounging on the lawn at midnight… or really late at night. Midnight sounds more dramatic:

Oreo! She’s a sweetheart.

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I sit here staring a my monitor and that obnoxious blinking cursor knowing that I have nothing good to start clicking away about. Things are improving, Mike starts his new job on Monday, this week will be filled with the usual business that has to be taken care of, on top of new job paperwork and safety courses.

I have paint chips taped to the wall in the family room. I think I’m settled on one, but I have my doubts. Especially when everyone else in the house pointed to darker chips that I’m just not sure I’m that thrilled about.

I desperately need to have my hair cut, a pedicure, and a manicure. And, I don’t mean that in the silly, spoiled princess sort of way. I mean it in the Seinfeld “man hands” and “in between lengths” is not considered tolerable after 6 months kind of way. We won’t even talk about my feet. Or we could… but, let’s not.

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Oh, I know there are a lot of super important things going on in the world right now. In my little corner, though, things are brightening, the sun has begun to peek out from behind the clouds, I haven’t heard a train whistle in quite some time so it appears that the real end of the tunnel might be just around the corner.

I’m attempting to type this as Maggie runs through the house screeching, “What the deuce?” and “Victory is mine!” after watching another episode of Family Guy. Pardon me if I seem to ramble.

The thing is, I’m always in a hurry. In a hurry to get things back on track, in a hurry to get the problem straightened out, in a hurry to find a solution. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Limbo kills me.

So here I sit finally having the courage to window shop a bit. Frivolous and silly, but believe me, nothing has been light or silly around here in a long, long time. I’m back to my file of paint chips, my catalogs with their dog-eared pages, and that little zing I get when I’m being creative is threatening to peek it’s little head out again.

Then I sigh and realize, I’m only window shopping, I’m no where near actually DOING anything and in sweeps that desperate need to normalize in a rush. Today, not tomorrow, not next week… TODAY. To finally have the one big worry of the day be that load of laundry that desperately needs to be washed or that spice cabinet I’ve been meaning to reorganize. All the things that could wait for the weekend but when it finally arrives I’m too exhausted and only want to crawl into bed and forget there is a world beyond the door.

I’ve never been good with chaos. I’ll handle it, I’ll manage, but long-term? Noooo way. Not a chance. And, this has been long-term chaos…

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Yes, yes, you know the rest of the line, right? No? “Now and then there’s a fool such as I”

As if right on cue September slipped in with a cool breeze and a crisp morning. Quite literally overnight Aug. 31 we had a dramatic change in weather. It was 110 on Friday. No kidding. Poor Kari it was 114 there and please don’t write that off with “but it’s a dry heat.” She might shove a carpet shampooer up your rear.

So September 1st was all cool breezes and nearly autumn crisp - for us. Just enough to make me think of pumpkins, changing out my wallflowers, and putting the summer wreath on my front door away until next year.

It’s a cruel hoax that September plays on me. Although, it’s never been so cruel as to breeze in so autumn-ey right on the first of the month. The thermometer may be cool today but it will be rocketing back toward the triple digits in no time causing me to look at the calendar, sigh, and then wait for mid-October when things actually begin to cool off for real.

But for today and maybe even tomorrow (although, 98 is predicted for tomorrow) I’ll enjoy having the A/C off, the windows open and plants in the yard not looking as if they are begging for someone to off them. Mother Nature has a sadistic sense of humor, while all the good plants are tired and struggling, the weeds appear happier and healthier than ever. Bastards.

More Summer Yard Pics Here!

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It’s Tuesday, but I want to talk about Sunday.

Sunday marked the first Sunday since school began. The kids have been shoving papers in my face to sign all week, doing homework already, texting-texting-texting, and becoming increasingly grumpy at being forced to get up at a certain time instead of the free non-existent schedules that summer vacation brings. In short, adjustments. Blech.

Being the most awesomely, observant mom in the house I knew it was my job to designate Sunday as family day.

Saturday night at dinner I said, “Ok, I think tomorrow we’ll call it a movie/tv day and we’ll flop out in the family room to enjoy some movies and family time. Maybe we’ll even play a game or something.”

They looked at me dubiously. They, meaning the kids, Mike was still happily stuffing his face and pretending no one was attempting to plan his Sunday for him.

“The only catch will be that cell phones are not allowed. For anyone. Maybe we’ll make it a ritual. We’ll all turn our phones off and dump them into a basket that no one is allowed to touch until Monday morning.” I added with a big stupid hopeful smile.

Ethan grimaced, glared and growled, “Does the no cell phone rule start when you guys get up?” He was clearly referencing our penchant for sleeping in late on Sundays.

Instead I took it as a sign of happy negotiation from someone who was willing to cooperate.

“Of course! That sounds fair!”

He growled, “Brilliant.” and then added an eyeroll just for good measure.

Sunday morning I awoke filled with hope. I stepped out onto the deck to look at the backyard which now appears to be quite tired from producing summer’s natural fireworks aka zinnias and other assorted blooms. I marveled at a huge black and yellow butterfly, a big orange butterfly, a bright blue dragonfly, and a brilliant hummingbird. I felt as if Mother Nature herself were telling me to take it easy and smell the roses… er… zinnias or somewhat seedy basil, maybe. Then I realized that sweat was dripping down the back of my neck, the sun was scorching down like a bad desert scene, and the heat was making me nauseous.

Aha! An, even stronger sign that it was a good day to remain inside under the air conditioning and enjoy some time spent in the bosom of my loving family.

Mike and I tripped downstairs where he proceeded to plant himself in front of the television and become “The Remote Nazi” switching channels during commercials and making it somewhat difficult to keep up with either show. When one show ended he rapidly found some worse program starting and appeared to pout when I vetoed “Bonanza” reruns. Apparently, it had little to do with finding something to entertain the entire family but more to do with the vast household conspiracy to eliminate all Bonanza viewing.

Ethan had planted himself in the other room finishing up homework that I could have sworn he finished Friday afternoon. Maggie bounced around the house as if someone had put ground crack into her breakfast cereal along with the sugar. I began to suffer a new bout of nausea brought on by the schizophrenic television viewing of “Grounded for Life” reruns and “The Dillinger Conspiracy.”

I got up and decided to bake some cookies, hoping ass loads of carbs, sugar, and chocolate would warm the testy, grumpy hearts of my family. No such luck. Although, I did witness a 4 year old throwing a terrific fit because she was not allowed to just eat raw cookie dough. This was followed by the sympathetic and completely unhelpful noises coming from her father’s direction.

Kate and Maggie eventually bored of Little Joe’s adventures on the Ponderosa and drifted out of the room. Realizing that we would now be switching between a documentary on Nazis and Hitler (oh, how apropos) and Bonanza I began to wonder if a family day could ever be possible with so many unwilling participants.

Rather than risk any further disappointment, nausea, or headaches I made my way upstairs to catch up on laundry. You know what they say, “You can lead a horse to water but you’ll require a tranquilizer dart to drown him in the trough.”

And, then something magical happened…

__(’Read the rest of this entry »’)

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Headlines!

I’m a smart ass, it comes naturally… but sometimes when life is getting me down I just can’t crank out the smart assedy-ness with ease. I’ve decided to let you have a glimpse into what I think as I read headlines throughout my day on various news-like-ish websites. (THAT IS TOTALLY A WORD - news-like-ish… SHUT UP)

I’m also lazy, so ‘ll tell you that the actual articles mean NOTHING. We’re only going off the headlines and what I assume from reading them.

Tom Cruise considered for comedy?
Tom Cruise IS a freaking comedy/horror movie.

Ricky Martin Welcomes Twin Boys
… via surrogate? OH, color ME shocked. Somehow I think Ricky is a little vagina-phobic.

What makes them cry? (picture of Obama and McCain)
Obama - his wife. She looks scary to me.
McCain - all women. POW or not, we could totally take him.

Where median home prices are falling
Where aren’t they? And what rock have you been living under?

Stars’ Airport Style
OMG! A whole new level of SHALLOW!!! I FREAKIN’ CARE!!!!

EBay pushes PayPal on its customers
This is NEW? OMG… someone, hurry there is an as yet undiscovered colony of people living under a ROCK!!!

Ellen’s Wedding Singer Gushes Over Ceremony
Heh, so much for that confidentiality contract. Here is your 15 minutes asshole.

Jennifer Garner confirms pregnancy rumor
Someone MOVE the rock… set the rock people FREE! FREE THE ROCK PEOPLE!!!!

Waiting For Gwen Stefani to Pop
She’s actually an elephant.

Amish population nearly doubles
And, we thought they were prudes.

Lindsay (Lohan) & Sam’s (Ronson) Private Joke
They need a new publicist?

Barkley colonoscopy to be televised
Hmmm, will it be less perky than Katie Couric’s?

As gas prices fall, so will food, right? No
Oh, you are overwhelming me with your optimism. May you wake up tomorrow with an eggplant up your ass… no one else knows what to do with them.

Jessica Simpson’s New Beer Ad
FUCK, is there ANYTHING that bitch isn’t whoring selling?

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First day of school! Woot!

(just trying to be positive, I really feel for all those kidlets having to return to the daily grind, sue me, I’m one of the strange parents, I guess.)

Ok, so this is the start of Ethan’s junior year of high school, Kate is now in the 8th grade and it occurred to me that when Maggie starts Kindergarten I will have a senior and a freshman in high school. Eee gads!

I took pictures this morning and I have to say that Ethan was pretty obnoxious. Not cute obnoxious either, in fact he was being a total ass. I don’t know, you’d think nearly 17 years of having me for a mother he’d be used to my taking pictures on the first day of school. Nope, have to act like it is some brand new annoying thing.

That’s fine. When we dropped him off I made a big deal of rolling down my window and taking pictures as he walked on to the campus. Maybe next time he’ll remember to just shut the hell up and smile when we’re at home, hmm?

Last night we took them out for dinner. Sort of a last meal before their academic imprisonment for another year.

Pay no attention to the cow on the left. Ugh.

About half way through dinner Maggie became super wiggly and claimed to have a tummy ache until she was offered a hot fudge sundae. *sigh* Nothing can go easy or relaxing with three kids.

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I’m tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally exhausted.

My house is a mess and I’ve got work to do today.

Oh, and I have to keep my phone up my ass in case the D.A.’s office calls.

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I’m going to be a bit bitchy here. Can I just say that I am sick of people (oh, and this in NO WAY implicates any of you, you kick-ass readers you! No bloggy drama here!!!) who can’t answer an email or have to rely on fax machines for every ass-wiping thing they have to do? And, I’m completely sick of people who can’t keep their fucking stories straight. In the last week I’ve had one person tell me the same thing 3 times and then get on the phone with my husband and tell him something ENTIRELY OPPOSITE.

I’m up to my neck in bullshit here and I just don’t think I can take one more second of it. Not one. I am so filled with anxiety and stress that I just don’t think I can come up with one more coherent sentence. And, I am sure that someone, somewhere is going to ask, “What? What happened?” let’s just say that through a massive, 2 year, series of events, I am finally convinced (although, let’s be honest, I don’t DO private around here, so even the you probably won’t get what I am saying) that I am destined to just be shit on. Period. No matter how hard I try… that is just IT. The fucking End.

And, yes, I know that tomorrow morning I am going to get up absolutely SICK that I decided to post such a pathetic excuse for a post. I know… believe me, I know. But, right now…. I don’t care because everything is tiny, stupid and superficial to someone, somewhere and somehow. So, what the fuck does it matter that TINY, STUPID and SUPERFICIAL all wind up here in ONE day? Right? Right.

- Crazy woman shutting up now. Carry on….

It’s Friday (please God, if it isn’t, don’t tell me!) and I’m tired. This week has been one long pain in the ass. Therefore, I totally robbed this meme from Kapgar. If Crys is the Culinary Queen (which she TOTALLY is!) then I think he must be the Culinary King.

Ooo, and it’s sort of interactive if you want to play along.

1. Put your mp3 player or music player on your computer on random.
2. Post the first four lines from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song (skip repeat artists).
3. Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
4. Don’t fucking cheat, you Google whores!

1.
Sometimes we make it harder than it is.
We take the perfect night and fill it up
with words we don’t mean dark sides best unseen
and we wonder why we’re feeling this way.

2.
Baby don’t understand why we can’t just hold on
to each other’s hands
This time might be the last I fear unless
I make it all too clear

3.
I wanted to be with you alone
And talk about the weather
But traditions I can trace against the child in your face
Wont escape my attention

4.
Long ago and oh so far away
I fell in love with you
before the second show
your guitar it sounds so sweet and clear

5.
Just when I believed
I couldn’t ever want for more
this ever changing world
pushes me through another door.

6.
Just the good ol’ boys
never meanin’ no harm
beats all you ever saw
been in trouble with the law…

7.
Well I lost my heart
on the day we met
but I gained a lot that I don’t regret
then I hung around ’til you said I do.

8.
When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we’ll see
No I won’t be afraid, no I won’t be afraid

9.
What I want you’ve got
And it might be hard to handle
Like the flame that burns the candle
The candle feeds the flame, yeah, yeah

10.
Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me

11.
Ive been meaning to tell you
Ive got this feelin that wont subside
I look at you and I fantasize
You are mine tonight

12.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me.

13.
I’m no stranger to the rain
I’m a friend of thunder
friend, is it any wonder
lightening strikes me?

14.
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, dont patronize - dont patronize me

15.
Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world

16.
Clock strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away

17.
When your baby leaves you all alone
And nobody calls you on the phone
Ah, don’t you feel like crying?
Don’t you feel like crying?

18.
I waited ’til I saw the sun
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I left you by the house of fun
I don’t know why I didn’t come

19.
All of me
why not take all of me
can’t you see
I’m no good without you

20.
I can hear your heels clicking on the sidewalk
Beating to the rhythm of my heart
Caught up in you
You’re the only one I want

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