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As you read this I am frantically running around my house cleaning and getting ready to start cooking. Friends and family will arrive this evening and I guarantee that about now my kids are hating me for nearly doubling their usual chore list. At least I’m not having them clean the baseboards with Q-tips (my usual holiday chore when I was growing up).

In the meantime, while I’m writing this I’m listening to “Dazed and Confused” in the other room. OMG, I love this movie!

Alright, sorry I couldn’t do better than this for ya. But, you can bet, I’ll have pictures. Mike has shaved his head and there will be beer tonight! Let the scalp burns ensue!

Happy 4th of July, guys! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
July 4th, 2008
27
Jun

Next Friday

and you KNOW this, MAAAAAAAAN.

*sigh* I love Friday. The movie and the day… but today I am totally looking forward to NEXT Friday. The 4th of July Blitz. WOOT. Where my friend, ED (a girl, no I am not kidding) and I will probably drink too much and dance too loudly and drunkenly in my garage (wide open in front of the entire neighborhood) to 80’s music while we attempt to convince ourselves we are in junior high again.

My kid will roll their eyes, Mike will undoubtedly imbibe one too many keg beers and scorch his scalp under the firework sparks (AGAIN) and we will all eat too much, drink too much and be so damn merry that it will be the best 4th of July since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny fuckin’ Kaye.

Wait. Wait… wrong holiday.

Perhaps you get my point anyway, right?

*sigh* I freakin’ love summer.

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
June 27th, 2008

I brought a fresh bunch of mint and rosemary into the kitchen, rinsed it well, and plopped it into a vase on my desk. It smells heavenly and is so nice to look at since I’m stuck in my little corner here all day. The next day I noticed something moving on the leaves. It’s a super, tiny caterpillar. For a second or two I actually thought about taking it out and feeding it to one of the chicks. But, there was only one and I didn’t want to look like I was favoring anybody and besides, I don’t think I could take any creature off to be eaten by another creature.

We’re down to three now. From six to three. Two died and one Zander played with just a little too hard. Those little things are fragile! Anyway, just to make it clear - Zander did NOT attack the chickie, it was hopping around his nose and they were playing and he just… sort of… uh… well, never mind. But, it was an accident!

After all, he used to be best friends with a rooster.

We still have a black and yellow one. Kate named it Kodak. Which is fairly unisex, considering we still have no idea what sex they are yet. Still waiting for crowns and things to show up. They are awfully cute. Like fat tennis balls with legs and wings!

So, I’m putting on a sunny face. Sunday is Mother’s Day (Happy Mother’s Day to you gals who are celebrating!) and after the week I’ve had… well, let’s just say my kids OWE me. BIG TIME. Not the little one, just the older two ingrates. Let’s just say that when they want to be stereotypical teenagers, they are really, really good at it.

This picture was taken just a couple of hours before the accident. That little gold chicken next to Kodak? That’s the one that got it. I still feel bad about it. It was Ethan’s favorite.

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
May 9th, 2008

Anniversaries come up and you immediately remember the wedding. The cake, the dress, the guests, the flashbulbs that caused the worst migraine ever encountered on a wedding night. Ten years later and somehow it doesn’t feel right to just think about the wedding. After ten years, it ought to be about a lot more than that. I mean, sure, Mike and I have been together a lot longer than that, but once you get married it’s just strange counting two anniversaries.

Ten years later, you’ve built a life and a family. Ten years later those things you might never have done the first year… you do without a second thought. It’s about the ups and downs the getting through and the times when you didn’t make it but somehow, always ended up together and it was just right.

The year we were married Mike was one of a very few guys at an oil company that didn’t get laid off. We didn’t know if we would be able to get married. We weathered the storm, Mike kept his job, we had a very romantic wedding, and a lovely honeymoon.

Fitting that all these years later we’ve seen highs and lows back to highs again and now, another low period. Life is getting in the way. So, no romantic weekend trip to Monterey, no romantic dinner out. Just a cozy, romantic evening on the deck listening to Maggie bang on the bedroom door because Ethan and Katie are “being mean” and wanting to wring both of their (Ethan and Katie) necks for not understanding that their parents would love just an hour or so of peace and quiet. Fitting that what life has become will surround and fill an evening meant to celebrate what started that life.

At least, that’s what I’m telling myself, to do otherwise… would not be prudent.

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
May 2nd, 2008

Update! I just realized that the comments were closed. I’m sorry! They are open now!

* This was originally posted October 2005, but since we’ve discussed some things of an esoteric nature this week, I decided to repost it. Enjoy!

Three weeks after Maggie was born in January of 2004 my mom’s house caught on fire. Their insurance company rented them a house a few blocks away to stay in while their house was repaired/remodeled. The rental house was older, but it was large with 4 bedrooms and three bathrooms, a large living room, dining room, and family room which was adjacent to the kitchen. All the bedrooms were on one end of the house with the family room and kitchen on the other end and the living room and entryway in the middle. I went through all that to set up the following story.

When they moved in the linoleum in the master bathroom needed to be repaired/replaced. My mom had the rental company send someone out to get it fixed. The gentleman arrived and went to work, my mom had to be in class (at the local university) so she left him there repairing the linoleum. When she came home the repairman was gone, the linoleum was only partially repaired and several of his tools were still sitting in the bathroom. It appeared he had left in a hurry. Mom didn’t think anything of it, she assumed he’d be back to finish.

He never came back.

The first bedroom in the hall was turned into a home office. My mom had a lot of furniture that had to be replaced so we were constantly searching on the internet to find furniture that she liked as well or better than her old furniture. I was in the office looking for leather chairs to replace her old chairs. Maggie was 3 months old and was sound asleep in her carrier nearby. My mom’s two cocker spaniels, Molly and JJ were laying the floor next to me. My mom had a morning class she was running out to and we had planned to meet up with my sister for lunch when she got back.

I heard my mom go out the garage door and saw her car drive away. It was about 15 minutes later when I heard the garage door open then close and what sounded like plastic grocery bags being brought into the kitchen and put on the counter followed by cabinet doors opening and closing. The dogs hopped up and started barking like they always do when my mom comes home and ran in to greet her. I naturally assumed that mom had gone to the store before going to class.

Then everything went silent, dead silent. No grocery bags rustling, no dogs barking. I started to call out to my mom but had the oddest sensation that I should keep quiet. Maggie was still sleeping soundly so I crept out of the office and into the living room. As I came into the living room both dogs were perched on the back of my mom’s expensive sofa (a huge no-no and something they had been trained not to do) staring in the direction of the family room and kitchen, the hair on their backs was standing straight up and JJ had his teeth bared, something he never did.

From my position on the living room I could see the dining room and most of the family room, but not the kitchen. I became concerned that someone had come into the house and so I stood there listening for any sound that might confirm my suspicions. The silence was so strange it didn’t feel like a normal quiet at all. I was just about to turn to go get the baby and leave when I heard, plain as day and crystal clear, a loudly whispered, “Hello…” nearly in my ear, it felt as if someone was at my shoulder. I nearly felt the breath on my neck.

I spun around and, of course, no one was there. The dogs still held their position

When you are not familiar with this sort of thing I can tell you that your mind immediately leaps to rationalize whatever you have seen or heard. I immediately assumed that it was my mom playing some sort of trick on me. Although, for the record, my mom has never been a practical joker of any sort… she’s never been known to prank anyone and certainly would not try to scare anyone on purpose.

I ran in got the baby and called my sister from my cell phone. She was on her way to the house, so I waited by the front door for her to come in. We went through the house and no one was there. The kitchen counters were empty and clean just as they had been when my mom left. All the cabinet doors were closed and the dogs were back to normal.

My sister is sensitive. Very sensitive. And, she refused to stay in that house AT ALL. Preferring to stay with a friend while the house was remodeled. She never really would say why she wouldn’t stay there.

The final incident was on Easter of that year. We did the whole egg hunt thing, had a great meal, the guys settled in to watch a movie, the kids were playing hide and seek all over the house. Finally it was late and my mom, Ethan, GJ, Kate, Maggie and I were all settled into the living room. Yes, the same living room that I had had my experience in just a month or so before.

The boys were discussing how they had slept out in the den (where we could clearly see Mike and my stepdad hanging out) and heard someone walking around the kitchen, opening cupboard doors and things. They assumed it was my mom and when they walked in - no one was there. We teased them a bit (not wanting them to be afraid in the house, they hadn’t heard the other stories at this point, and there are more stories) and started talking about something else. That’s when they interrupted us and told us about the front door - which we were in plain view of. They said that on the night that happened in the kitchen, they walked through the kitchen, through the dining room, into the living room and heard the front door rattling.

Everyone got a little quiet then and we looked at the front door. As if on queue the doorknob began rattling and turning. Ethan, ever the brave little man, ran up to the front door and looked out the window then pulled the door open. No one was there. And everyone at the house was in plain sight.

We noticed that the house has been rented a few times since my mom lived there, it’s even been sold a couple of times… no one stays there very long.

I might post more about this, there are a few more interesting stories my mom told me about the place.

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
April 18th, 2008

It took me at least 13 years to get Ethan and Kate to dye PRETTY Easter eggs. Not green or brown or ugly purple because they just HAD to dip the egg “ONE more time!!!” And now with Maggie I’m starting all over again. *sigh*

Wish me luck… we’ve got 4 18-packs of eggs to dye.

Happy Easter

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
March 21st, 2008

“What do you want for Valentine’s Day?”

“Surprise me.”

“Surely you jest.”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“So?”

“So what?”

“What do you want?”

“What do YOU want?”

With a sigh, “Uh, can you pay off the mortgage on the other house?”

“That’s not very personal.”

“I know, but I was just thinking… it would make a nice surprise.”

“Hmmm, let me check the bank but I really don’t think I’ll have an entire mortgage in my Valentine budget.”

“How about some cigars?”

“Cigars? Really? Didn’t I do that last year?”

“Yeah, but I’m running low, there is a great sale, and you didn’t get me any for Christmas.”

“Good point. Ok. Also, maybe I’ll order some of those flavored cigars… the cognac Capones.”

“Sounds good. Why don’t you get a cool looking humidor to put all the flavored cigars in?”

“Oooo, that’s a great idea.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
February 14th, 2008
28
Jan

Monday Monday

No, I’m not dead… I’m just posting horrifically late.

Birthday weekends are pretty cool. We went out to dinner on Saturday and had family over to play games and hang out yesterday. Which of course, caused me to miss Miss Britt’s debut on Mr. Fab’s radio show. I feel horrible about that, I really do. Sorry Britt!!!!

I had an awesome weekend. Relaxed a lot, got a little tipsy last night… and the most awful thing on my agenda for today is a doctor’s appoint.

One of those appointments… the annual kind.

The sort of appointment where you go in because you just want to make sure that you will continue to have refills on your medication and in return for said refill authorization they probe you with very cold and uncomfortable metal thingies.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.

Perhaps I’ll take pictures again… or maybe I’ll call Britt while I am sitting on an exam table hoping my ass doesn’t sweat from nervousness and shred the paper cover.

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
January 28th, 2008

Dedicated to none other than Adam Avitable. If you know him at all and you watch this video - you will see why it reminds me of him.

And, since I usually don’t post on Saturdays… I just want to say, “Happy Birthday, Avi” - you rock my socks, gorilla hair and all, baby! - Now, get your butt over there and wish the Big Man a very Happy Birthday


Happy Birthday Avitable

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
January 25th, 2008

This Saturday is the birthday of two extraordinary bloggers. Myself and the one and only Avitable.

We share more than just a birthday. We share a love of chocolate, the hatred of 99.9% of things sports related, and a mutual adoration of Britt’s boobs. Although for COMPLETELY different reasons; I’d like to swap boobs with her and he just wants to motorboat them for two or three hours straight.

In honor of this very special gorilla-type person, I am requesting that anyone and everyone with a digital camera email Avitable and include a picture of your boobs - I’m SERIOUS. There is only ONE caveat to this request. You MUST cover the nipples in your picture with stars. Now, they can be those little nipple hide-y things that strippers use, they can be the special gold foil stars that teachers used to give out (we actually prefer those) or whatever, but, they have to include star covered nipples.

(Oh, and Chickie? Your boobs would be PERFECT for this project. No pressure… just sayin’ I’ve seen those HNT pics and uh… yeah, I’ve decided I’m envious of your rack as well.)

Now email your boobs, nipples, and stars to adam AT avitable DOT com

For what purpose might we be doing this? Hello? Birthday! Duh. Aside from that all I can say is that the man has a love for boobage. It’s not news. However, after some intense questioning I have discovered that the one thing his enormous collection of boob pics is lacking are star covered nipples. After discussing this with him, at length, and having a few drinks (several) I’ve decided to beg ask nicely that just for his birthday, we go the extra mile for him.

After all, while some have referred to him as a sociopath, I like to think of him as a really hairy, horny, teddy bear with a serious respect for all things with nipples. (Wait… maybe not ALL things with nipples. But… you know… the good stuff, with nipples. ) In short, Avitable is pretty much the opposite of a sociopath, probably more in the neighborhood of drunken gutterslut only minus the drinking and add on a double bacon cheeseburger and a large diet coke.

Now, get those pics in and be sure to include a big, fat HAPPY BIRTHDAY in that email.

Amy's Musings Tales From An Anti-Soccer Mom  
January 21st, 2008