In Memoriam

I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still - in each new dawn

~Author Unknown

*WARNING*
For those of you who are new around here or are under the impression that I am a nice person. I just want you to know that I am, but I am about to lose my shit in the following paragraphs and I just don’t want you to hold it against me. You’ve been warned. - Oh, and fair warning, sarcastic comments probably won’t be looked at kindly today. Just so you know.

You know what? I’m goddamn done being the nice guy, being the bigger person. And so help me God, someone is going to pay for this garbage in a big, fat, ugly, ass raped, burn for eternity in hell kind of way.

We do not have a home owner’s association. Thank God, around here they are pretty much nothing but trouble and complete bullshit.

My front yard? Is immaculate. I’d post pictures but I’m too fucking pissed to go outside right now, because if IF I see a neighbor look at me so much as slightly crossway I’m going to light their ass up bigger than any fucking 4th of July barbecue.

My backyard? IMMACULATE. Slightly immature, but what do you expect for a yard that is only a year old?

We have a 1964 Chevy truck in our driveway. It won’t fit in the garage, it’s 4-wheel drive, and primer gray. We don’t drive it because a.) it’s my son’s truck, waiting for time for he and his father to make it pretty again (also it was owned by my FIL originally and passed down to Mike) and b.) umm, it doesn’t have appropriate seat belts and WHY in God’s name would we drive it around when we have two vehicles of our own and our son does not have a license yet, hmmm? Essentially, it’s a classic that just needs to be restored.

Some stupid, fucking, cockwadding, asswiping, numbfuck, twatsicle neighbor called to complain to the city about the truck and the two bantam chickens in the backyard. Oh yes, the TWO, TINY chickens in the backyard that control unwanted pests and are totally a GREEN FRIENDLY SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT (there is currently a bill they are trying to get passed to allow this for home gardeners) alternative to spraying chemicals around our children and further polluting the planet.

The guy from the city? Thought it was funny actually. Considering there are train tracks nearby and non-fucking stop construction from the construction crews who refuse to wait until their 7am start time to start building the fucking houses on the lots that line the back of our property. He walked into a lovely backyard with butterflies buzzing around, daylilies in bloom, and two adorable chickens nesting under the butterfly bush.

Two chickens that I have to get rid of TODAY and THEN call this guy back out to ensure that we did it.

If I find out which neighbor it was - God help them. I will make their lives a living hell.

How about the neighbors in the cul-de-sac who have lined their fucking front porch with hideous looking plants and LEFT THEM in the ugly black containers from the nursery so it looks like a weed (and not the good kind) factory behind their stupid ass looking fountain and house that they have fronted with four different kinds of mismatched rocks that looks like a design nightmare straight from hell.

Or perhaps the neighbor two doors over with the 8 foot weed in her front bed and backyard that is nothing but dirt - when our purchase contracts state that we have to put in a backyard within a year of occupying the property?

Oh wait.. or maybe the neighbors behind us who threw a big ass party with cars lined up and down the streets and then several party goers pulled up with a flat bed trailer and started loading up lumber from the construction site? (Mike called the police on that one)

Or the neighbor across the street who NEVER MOVED in and has 6 foot weeds in the backyard and beds overflowing with weeds in the front yard?

Oh wait, let’s not even mention the stupid fucks in the cul-de-sac who bought a house that is terra cotta and GRAY only to paint the door flaming fucking twat-wad red? Hmmmm?

Or the nine houses on the streets around us where no one is mowing their damn lawn?

Or the house next door that is not foreclosed on (YET) and the backyard has HUGE weeds growing in it that I have to look at every time I fucking go out on the deck.

OR the fucking neighbor two doors over with 3 full size Dobermans (and at least one more small dog) that bark NON FUCKING STOP? It’s not even legal to have that many dogs here and why would you put 3 HUGE dogs in a tiny dog run in a tiny backyard anyway? And the BARKING? Did I mention the constant BARKING?

But NO, immaculate front yard and very pretty backyard owning US - get harassed.

I’m livid. I love this house but all the neighbors can go suck a rotten cock for all I care.

UPDATE
Although not much of one. Mike was in contact with another gentleman (from the same part of town we are in) who has close to an acre (zoned for livestock) where he has bunnies and bantam chickens. He is more than happy to come and pick up Hank and Chickie. We’re just happy to have found a home that will treat them as kindly as we have. Although, that is little consolation. I’m going to miss going out and talking to Chickie and petting her. She coos so pretty when you pet her.

Of course, this does little to quell my deep desire for revenge. I’m trying to work through the anger but it’s pretty hard. My neighbor next door couldn’t believe it. She’s of the “Nancy Drew” nature, so maybe she’ll find something out. As it stands, I can’t say for sure it’s a neighbor, maybe it was one of the builder’s employees, maybe it was someone in the sales office, it could just have been some “Johnny Rulebook” who happened to walk by.

But, if I find out who it was…

Some disasters are natural ala Mother Nature and others are Man-made. I don’t know which is worse, I just know that in one, eventually the government steps in to help out, otherwise they just look bad. In the other, the government looks for scape goats and tries to ignore the distress of their constituents.

The latter has been my experience.

You may notice that I tend to focus on my kids. They are probably the only things that keep me getting out of bed on a day to day basis. Chickens, mice, birds, cats, dogs… well, I love them too and delving into their mayhem helps me forget about what I face on a day to day basis. What can I say? I prefer the “Law of the Jungle” rather than the pathetic excuse for the Law of Men that we pretend to follow.

My posts lately have looked more like they have been “phoned in” than they look like posts written by someone who gives a damn. I can’t give you any better a reason other than the fact that I spend a great deal of my time defending my work to people who can’t put a basic sentence together to save their pathetic jobs or lives for that matter.

But, that’s me, always striving for some sort of justification or justice rather, in a world filled with injustice and stupidity. After all… somewhere in Texas a village is missing it’s idiot. Clearly, there are bigger problems in the world.

Continue Reading »

You know, there are always things that you wish you could say but don’t for whatever reasons. I finally decided to get a few things off my chest.

Continue Reading »

It’s official… I’ve lost my mind. I’m trying to make my house feng shui friendly. I’m starting with getting rid of all the clutter and crap that is just completely unnecessary. So, I gutted my closet, donated tons of things that my ginormous ass cannot fit into anymore I just don’t wear anymore, threw away stacks of catalogs, etc.

I know! I know! You know I’m serious when the catalogs go!

Of course, clearing out all the clutter is supposed reduce stress, invite more positive energy, and help the atmosphere to be lighter. So far, all I have done is my closet and I am seriously considering moving into it!

As it turns out, I’ve invited something with the change in energy. I wonder if there is a “farm” corner on the feng shui map because all I seem to be collecting are animals.

Let me give you a quickie run down on the residents in the house:

Dog - Zander
Fish - Only one named, really… that’s Lucky. And, it’s a long story. There are actually 9, total.
Chinchilla - Sophie
Cat - Molly, she’s the antisocial, psychopath shy type.
Cat - Liza Jane
Chickens - Kodak, something and uh… Bitsy. I hope.
Mouse - Yes, a mouse. No name yet, it’s a she. I’m really pushing for Gorgonzola or Feta.
Birds - two male parakeets. They were my MIL’s but she can’t have them anymore (health reasons).

I wanted to name them Albert and Armand after Robin Williams and Nathan Lane in The Birdcage.

Will and Jack? Nope.

Mike likes Felix and Oscar, but I really prefer Dick and Fritz. Dick, the darker bird, is pretty pissy. Fritz, well, that name just suits him, I think. We’ll see how it turns out…

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean out some more closets. One of these damn things has got to be attached to something other than animals!

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

(To illustrate this last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark)

Man, they said we better
Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
No, do not mess with Mister In-Between
Do you hear me, hmm?

(Oh, listen to me children and-a you will hear
About the elininatin’ of the negative
And the accent on the positive)
And gather ’round me children if you’re willin’
And sit tight while I start reviewin’
The attitude of doin’ right

(You’ve gotta accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between)

You’ve got to spread joy (up to the maximum)
Bring gloom (down) down to the minimum
Otherwise (otherwise) pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate (well illustrate) my last remark (you got the floor)
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they say (what did they say)
Say when everything looked so dark

Man, they said we better
Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
No! Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

Music and Lyrics: Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen
Performed by Bing Crosby and the Andrew Sisters

Sometimes I sit here and wish for a life changing epiphany. A small glimmer of hope inside still waits for that giant cosmic light bulb to go off. Sometimes I feel like I am on the edge of the diving board just waiting for that sudden urge to leap into the pool, but something keeps telling me to wait. Just wait, it’s not quite right yet.

Then the next moment I feel very foolish, I look around and realize that this MIGHT be as good as it gets. This might just be the pinnacle of it all. That’s when that little voice pops up and says, “No, it’s not… just waiiiiiiittttt and seeeeeeee.”

And, maybe, just maybe, this isn’t such a bad place to wait.

But, I’m not a very patient person. I’m really not. Sure, I’ve worked on it from time to time, but I’ve never really mastered the art of patience, regardless of how much of a virtue it may be. Patience just doesn’t seem to be part of my skill set.

I’m more of the take charge, “no, no, no, do it THIS way,” be proactive kind of person. I hate feeling helpless and I don’t like to ask for help. Somehow waiting these days feels a lot like helpless. Not hopeless, just helpless.

That feeling of “there is nothing you can do but sit by and wait.” God forbid anyone I love or care about falls into a coma (isn’t that an odd phrase, FALL into a coma, like “woah, Johnny, don’t trip there, you might fall into a coma!”) because I would not be able to just sit there and wait. I’d be the person with the comatose person in the wheelchair wheeling them around the mall going, “But you LOVE this store!!!!” And, I’d be playing yoga videos and twisting their unconscious body into also sorts of positions. That’s me… I’m a “take action” kind of gal.

Still, here I am. Waiting. I’ve double checked the list, there are two maybe three more things I can do and then, I’m going to be in “twiddle my thumbs” mode, emotionally/mentally. Just waiting… to see if it works out. To see if maybe time can do what I can’t. But, that might be tough because time also seems to be in short supply.

*Sigh*

And, so I wait. And hope.

The one big difference? For the first time in a very, very, long time, I’m ok with it. Which I don’t understand because it isn’t me, at all. Which, can only mean one thing, really:

I’m obviously in denial.

I’ve had a headache off and on for about two days now. Staring at the monitor has been murder! Therefore, you get the benefit of my not so awesome photography skills.

Last Friday Mike and I took Maggie to visit a local petting zoo. I had so much fun looking at the baby goats with Maggie that I forgot to take pictures of it. I usually can’t stand petting zoos but this one was actually super clean, really cute, and the animals all looked very happy.

On our way out we noticed that they had bantam chicks for about $2 a piece. We fell in love with them. We haven’t had a chicken around since Nero passed away.

We bought a few and headed home. Maggie adores them and calls all of them Chickie, which is fine because I guess it might be a while before we determine their genders. I believe only 2 of them are guaranteed to be female. We bought 3 different varieties. Two will keep the feathers on their legs (sort of like an old fashioned petticoat) and another one will have sort of a wild, Albert Einstein look to the feathers on the top of his head (I assume he’s a boy, he’s quite overbearing already) anyway, he’s black and yellow, should be really pretty.

We are really into natural pest control and we noticed with Nero that we really never saw any “bad” bugs in the backyard. I’m excited to get these little guys into the backyard, but right now they are just too tiny!

Zander is thrilled to have something to guard again. See how concerned he looks? He’s missed his rooster, poor thing.

For anyone who might be counting… our pet roster looks like this:

1 dog - Zander
2 cats - Molly and Liza Jane
1 Chinchilla - Sophie
Fish
Chickens

And yes, all of them are well loved.

Spring has been schizophrenic to say the least. We had 90 degree temps last week and now we are back in the high 60’s. One week it’s margaritas on the patio, the next it’s gin martinis on the couch with a blanket! Of course one or two of either and you don’t really care how hot or cold it is.

Ethan just walked into the room to tell us that Maggie very sweetly asked him if he would, “help me tie Katie’s shoes together so she’ll fall down?” He was so proud, I think I caught a glimpse of a tear in the corner of his eye.

Kate has state testing in school all week. This pretty much guarantees that she’ll be grumpy and tired all week. She brought her schedule for the week in to show Mike and said, “LOOK at this! THIS is what MY schedule looks like all week!”

Mike replied, “Oh, is that why you’ve been so happy all week?”

Kate, missing his sarcasm, said, “What do you mean, it’s only TUESDAY!”

That’s my girl.

So, you might recall the haunted house my mom rented for a while, right? I was asked more about it and so, decided to jot down the other recollections I have of the place.

This was about 4 years ago, exactly. It’s funny how you can have something extraordinary happen to you and then just sort of forget about it and move on. I love all things supernatural and have always had a pretty strong interest in it for as long as I can remember. Then, of course, I land right in the middle of a little supernatural cocktail party and having a 4 month old doesn’t exactly make you want to hop up and put all those things you’ve learned about ghost hunting into action. *sigh* If only I could go back…

Moving on, my mom put one of her favorite chairs in the corner of the den and she would sit there in the evening studying while my stepdad and brother watched television. She said it was never unusual to see a white form gliding down the hall - which she could see through den and on the other side of the living room.

Then there was the cat. My mom was very sure it was a cat, a smaller than a dog, gray shape that would occasionally dart under furniture or appear to be chasing a toy across the room for a split second or so.

And the back gate, the gate that would not stay closed no matter how many latches or pins were put through the latches. My mom constantly found it open. On the other side of this gate/fence a previous owner had fenced off a section of the yard and there were old fruit trees on the other side, like a mini orchard or something.

JJ (cocker spaniel) the ball addict would find different tennis balls, that didn’t belong to him that would appear in the yard - usually under some redwoods (maybe the cat and dog were buried under there?) in the back yard. The strange thing about this was that my mom and I had both gone through the yards before they moved in and there were no tennis balls around. Now, sure, maybe a neighbor threw them over the fence, but they were old, old and clearly loved by some dog. From time to time the balls would disappear and reappear by the redwoods. Lots of plausible explanations here, sure, but still a little strange.

The house, overall, just had a pretty creepy feel to it. You always felt as if you were being watched.