Guess What? I’m Crude and Offensive!
Posted By AmyD. on June 26, 2007
In some circles it might be said that I’ve finally made it!
In others it might be said that nothing crude or offensive should ever be put into print. And, to those people I say – “Go forth and burnest thou books.”
Writing isn’t always pretty and everyone’s writing isn’t for, well, everyone. Some of you like what I write and you continue coming back – others don’t, haven’t, or whatever and that’s fine too. I don’t write to please the masses (wait, yes, I do because I write for comments and blatant self-gratification) – I just write.
I’m not always going to be the blogging version of Doris Day or even Erma Bombeck. Sure I’ve had my moments and even a gem of a post or two – but toward the end of one such post I referred to our now past hamster as having a fat little ass or something to that effect… while many thought it was funny, there are a few who found that little nugget to be the pit in the cherry.
Let’s not get into the implied nipple erections that were mentioned in a previous post. After all, I suppose in writing I should appear as if I have little white gloves on, a little black patent leather purse, and my lovely “going to church on Sunday” hat on at all times. And one should never, ever appear to enjoy sex or like it – even a little. After all, happily married women don’t DO that sort of thing.
“…But, your blog is a reflection of you.”
Yes, quite, yet it is only one facet of my personality and there are some people who think that compared to my usual opinionated and crass communication skills – this blog is quite tame.
“But what if your children’s friends or their parents SEE it?”
One, I hope my children are not hanging around with other kids whose parents WOULD be offended. Although I suspect that there might be one or two in the bunch who MIGHT be. Still, if you take all of my posts to be a complete picture of who I am – then you are missing out. And, further more, “fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”
Two, for God’s sake, many of my posts are NOT family friendly NOR do I claim that they are. That is what parental control software is for and, well, hand’s on parenting too. Not to mention that little red X in the corner… it’s good for when you see or read something you don’t want to. Click click… please – be my guest.
And, after ALL of the crude and offensive things I’ve posted I’m still only rated:
So I guess I’m not that bad, now am I?
I know, I know, guilt by association, after all, I hang out with a woman who would probably have sex for a backstage pass to a Prince concert (or a pair of manolo blahniks for that matter) and a guy who eats frozen dairy products with Hitler.
I can honestly say that I would not have sex for Prince tickets and I’m not fond of Hitler or chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
I put my sexuality to good use because: a) I like it and b) if my husband is happy he tends to ignore my shopping habits.
So, anyway, from now on, I repent my evil blogging ways. I will only discuss the weather and my health. Not necessarily in that order. Occasionally, I might give an etiquette tip or two. For example, I want to give you this diagram of the proper utensil placement:
(where the FUCK is that damn graphic of the duckfucking utensil placement!!!!!)
Shit, damn, hell, fuck!!!!
Ok, well we see how long that lasted.
:whistle:
About The Author
I’m still waiting for my rating from there. I think the robot that scanned my blog fell asleep…
And this post jumps you up to a hard “R”.
I just can’t see how crude or offensive you could be on your blog. You have the occasional use of profanity, but so does every person on Earth. You didn’t talk in depth about rooting around in your vagina with your husband, like our dear little Brittski, and you didn’t write about a dog licking peanut butter off of your vagina or ass, like me.
I mean, compared to Barney and Friends or Sesame Street, you’re crude and offensive. But compared to some of the stuff online? You’re a regular old fucking Dear Abby.
Somebody needs to gain a little perspective!
You are purrrrfect just the way you are. And…. there is just the correct amount of pith and satire to help detract from the fact that you don’t use a lot of potty words
. But PG? WTF? I figured you for at least PG-13 or R.
I love your blog. That is exactly what it is…YOUR blog. A place for you to write your thoughts or whatever else you want to….no matter how crude they may be. (I do not find them crude or offensive for that matter)
I would think that it would have earned you more than a “PG” rating, however. Oh well.
mine says I’m nc-17 what the hell is that , so what if I say fuck for fucks sake….. ghesh !
LOL oh well I guess they don’t like my choices of words LOL
this is what it counted :
* shit (10x) :pissed:
* fucking (8x) :sex011:
* fuck (7x) :sex012:
* ass (5x) :sex007:
* dead (4x) :what:
* kill (3x) :whistle:
* crap (2x) :doh:
* drugs (1x) :thumbsup:
hmmmmm like I care , but I guess now I have to place a warning up LOL
oh Well have a great day …..
This just baffles me. I mean really. Some people can be so narrow and short sighted and up fucking tight.
I mean seriously Amy – if you had SEEN Prince in concert you would totally agree that it’s worth a little bootay if necessary.
Britt, :lmao:
I do my best not to be crude and offensive. I mean, I only talk about crotch twice a week.
If you only discussed the weather and your health on your blog, *I* would be offended.
Don’t change a thing. We love it just the way it is. Although, you could stand to put a little more effort into trying to achieve that R rating.
Who’s complained? You want I should kick their ass? Now see, that kind of gratuitous violence should get you at least a PG-13 rating.
RW Nah, it’s probably just going through all of your archives to see if you ever actually caught up with Vincenzos.
Avi Dear Abby?!??! When have I EVER offered stupid advice?
mg:
ADW I know! I was hoping for at least a PG 13 – I feel like I’ve been robbed!!!
Angel Thank you very much!
Judy :lmao:
Miss B :twitchy: :lmao:
Mist 1 I guess I just need to show more discipline. Maybe I’ll only mention nipples once or twice a week.
y not i Thank you… Will do!
Tense LOL – you must have commented as I was typing – sorry!!
Good point. Come to think of it, my PMS post should have put me up to a PG 13 – don’t you think? It talked a lot about violence.
oh god, PLEASE do not talk about the weather! when I see more than like, one line on a blog about the weather, I have to grab a Red Bull to get me through the rest of the post! LOL
Dear Abby was hot.
Webmiztris I really can’t… we only have two seasons here – Hot and Fog. So… I would need a Red Bull just to get through a sentence!
Avi Prove it. :crazy:
Heh. When I did my rating, I only got an R rating. I’m gonna try harder to get the NC-17.
You are just the kind of person I probably need rubbing off on me. I am NC17. With out trying.
I will keep coming back hoping I can become a good person just like you!
:hug:
I am pretty sure you managed to get past that rating by how… LOL Mine was NC17 and goddamn’d fuck crap I am gonna get past that!
KG I’ll drink to that! :martini:
TMP :cheesy: :heartbeat:
DutchBitch :lmao: I just gotta say – you totally rock!
hgreatone:
Amy;
I just found your site, via poopandboogies and ohthejoy. Thanks for spreading the word about a dad in need.
Love your blog. I read your 100 list. Interestingly enough, I’ve written about my encounter with Amy Grant: http://shelookslikeme.wordpress.com/2007/04/05/quienes-mas-macho/
And, ditto “The Searchers” reference, except I have a little girl, so she’s Ella, not Ethan.
Also, regarding No. 51, have a friend who was college roommates with Molly Sims.
And, I used to live less than a mile from Stephen King, but I’ve never read his books.
Thanks again for the NYCWD message.
shelookslikeme.wordpress.com
I can hardly stand reading your blog because your so nasty and profane. You could quite possibly ruin my reputation of sweetness, rainbows and butterflies because, as you know, we are judged by the company we keep.
If you just be nicer and less vulgar I could read your blog more but it’s not in my best interest to hang out with degenerates.
I find you very crude and offensive, thats why I keep coming back…lol just kidding.
Who wants to be a prissy blogger anyway? And say f**k instead of fuck. Baha.