I was flipping through a catalog the other day and came across a treadmill with no motor. “Set YOUR own pace” or something like that.

It got me thinking. Holy crap, what a joke! You know what MY pace is? Standing still. I don’t like bouncing around, I’m not big on sweating, and I’m not big on giving gravity a boost on it’s already substantial downward trend.

I would have to have a treadmill with a freaking motor. Those things provide incentive to keep your ass moving. Once you get started you are too afraid to hop off and even more afraid that if you turn it off you’ll go flying off the back or something. Not to mention, “set your own pace”? That means that once I have all that momentum built up and it’s zipping along I’m going to really have to calculate how to stop it and get back off because – IT HAS NO MOTOR and is ALREADY RUNNING. That’s leaving far too much up to me and if I’m winded I can’t think straight.

Survival, correct me if I’m wrong, is probably the best incentive, don’t you think?

It’s like those old exercise bikes, if you got going and took your feet off the pedals you knew you had better throw in some Pilates there in the form of the splits or something because those damn pedals were going to come around and either beat the hell out of your shins, calves, or both.

I prefer sweat to extreme bruising with the obvious exception of plastic surgery. I mean, I could totally take a week of sleeping upright to facilitate recovery from breast lift surgery.

As gruesome as it may be recovery from tummy tuck surgery would totally be worth it to remove all the extra flab I have hanging around from birthing three children (mostly without meds, thank you very much!)

AND, I would gladly take the bruising, drainage, and other assorted nasty details that go along with recovery from liposuction surgery . But, I’m not big on basic bruising and injury incurred while exercising. Sore muscles sure… stitches, bruises or God forbid skin grafts – just not my bag.

But, hey, that’s just me.